Enough For Now
by isabellthelooser
Summary: After Bella makes her decision, Bella and Paul must now go through the hardships of overcoming both what lies behind and before them. Together they must delve into an unknown world of obstacles, pain, and tears, bound together by love and a little secret.
1. Prologue: Pins and Needles

Hey guys, it's good to finally be back, and with the sequel to Quartet! yay! I thank you guys for being so patient and for all the favs, alerts, and reviews, and I hope that, once again, we can make this a good one!

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Prologue: Pins and Needles

**Isabella Swan**

It seemed like my life was destined to end in pain, one way or the other. I'd sure had my fair share of it; first with James, Victoria, the Volturi even. But this wasn't the same kind of pain. I knew how to deal with that kind of pain; I could hold it inside and not let it out, endure torture, even face my own death.

But not this.

Once again, time had slowed, but even as the seconds ticked by like hours, I knew I was going to be too late. I mean, who was I kidding? I couldn't run as fast a vampire, I wasn't as strong as a werewolf. I was just human. Weak.

There was no room in my body for any more pain, though I knew there would be even more if I wasn't fast enough. And I wasn't fast enough, I never would be. But still, there was this little part of my brain, seperate from the rest, that was focused entirely on the pain I was feeling inside. The excruciating, heart-breaking, mind-numbing agony that can only be caused by love. The kind of pain that, worse than the physical, attacks you mentally; makes you want to curl up in a ball and never hope again.

I had little hope to begin with.

My vision bounced as my feet thundered and pounded on the wet sand, the waves and gulls silenced by my all consuming need to stay focused on my target. On saving this person whom I loved so dearly. My throat burned from screaming, my lungs choked and gasped for breathe, but I kept yelling, kept running, even though no one heard me, even though my sluggish feet dragged and stumbled.

Somewhere inside I knew I should just turn back and get help; that I wasn't strong enough or fast enough to help him myself. But when it's someone else who's hurting, someone else who faces death, how can you possibly stand down then and simply turn away? When it's someone you care for so deeply that you'd give yourself instead.

When it's someone you love.

The shelf of earth gave a tight groan, a series of creaks and cracks, and then in a cocaphony of deep voices, the mass began to fall slowly, as if it too were in a slow fast forward. As the shelf crumbled to the ground, my scream was joined by another, higher keening. A cry of utter shock, absolute fear, and excruciating pain.

I lost sight of my target as my eyes filled with tears, yet I couldn't give up. Not yet, not ever. I would keep fighting, keep running, keep screaming, until I had nothing more to give. Even if it wasn't much, I knew I had to give it.

I knew it would be enough for now.

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so, how is it? I know, kind of a long prologue compared to others, but a shorter one than Quartet's. this time, instead of being like a prequel to the actual story, it is indeed a sneak preview into the climax. i hope i didn't give to much or too little away. this was written very fast in flash of inspiration this evening, so i hope you guys enjoy and are all hyped up for the rest of the story. i hope to have the first chapter up by at least later tonight or tomorrow morning, it's actually complete, i just need to reread and correct my spelling and grammar mistakes. :D

thank you guys, again. and please review, review, review!

-Isabellthelooser

P.S. i've decided on the title i was contemplating before, simply because i need a title right now and it fits the story line, so thank you to all who reviewed to that AN.


	2. Chapter 1: Haunted

chapter one is now up! yay! I don't know if it's any good, and frankly I don't care, because inspiration has finally struck and i'm striking while the iron is hot. lol. hope you guys enjoy. let me know what you think. the first little part is a compilation of memories from the epilogue of Quartet, just in case you get confused. it's like her dream. please review afterward!

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Chapter 1: Haunted

**Isabella Swan**

_I stared into the mirror, surprised at how much my face had changed since the car accident a month ago. My eyes no longer looked haunted, the bags beneath them lighter and less noticeable,__ hidden under a layer of makeup. My skin was still pale, as it probably always would, but somehow healthier looking; less sallow. The cuts on my cheeks were finally always healed, the bruise above my left eye a faint green, faded. My hair had grown out again, returned to its curly brown state, and now sat atop my head in a bundle of curls; Alice's doing._

_Paul's face lit up when I opened the door, his eyes appraising me. I blushed under his gaze, and shifted uncomfortably again. His eyes rested for a moment on my right foot which I was holding partially off the ground, and then he met my gaze._

_My head spun for a moment, and then I smiled. "Wow."_

_Paul smiled too, twirling me again, and then sidestepping so that I spun into his arm. "I took lessons as a kid. I guess it stuck with me." He spun me again and this time I kept going under his arm, almost like Alice had._

_I let out a laugh. "I never thought dancing could be this fun!" I exclaimed after a moment._

_Paul caught me, and then we were slow dancing again. I laid my head on his chest, and he rested his cheek on my head. I listened to his heart beating evenly, and closed my eyes, listening to the similarities between mine and his._

_Was I willing to give this up? Such an innocent sound...could I live without it?_

_I stared up at the sky, a perfect cloudless blue for once, now darkening and glistening with stars,__ and wondered if I could fly away and never look back. As I was contemplating this, I suddenly realized I was not alone, and turned to look behind me._

_There, almost a part of the darkness, stood Edward, his eyes full of an emotion I couldn't identify. Fear?_

_"Edward?"_

_He stepped forward, his eyes still wary, and he smiled softly at me. "Sorry I'm late," he said, __"It was a long drive." He smiled wider, "But here I am." He gestured down at his tux._

_I held his gaze. "I'm glad you did." Edward's eyes filled with confusion. "You're right, none of this would have happened. I wouldn't have met Paul, and he wouldn't have imprinted on me."_

_Edward glanced away, the pain back on his face. "So you've made your decision."_

_I tilted my head, trying to see his face. I continued, ignoring what he's said. "I never would have realized how much I truly love you."_

_His head turned slowly, his brow furrowed. There was hope in his gaze though...and it made my stomach seize. I felt my heart beginning to tear._

_"You know I love you," I whispered, my voice cracking. "I'll always love you, no matter what.__ I'll love you until the day my heart stops beating." A single tear escaped, "But it's...it's too much...I just...I can't keep pretending that everything's going to be okay...because it's not."_

_My heart seized at the memory of last September...those words he spoke once more. **A clean break**. A tear slid down my cheek, and I leaned my head into his chest. It hurt even more when I noticed how good it felt...so right...how I fit there...how his arms wrapped around me and I felt safe._

_I buried my face in his shirt, gripping it tightly with my fingers, not wanting to let go. "I love you," I whispered, letting the tears soak into his shirt. He stayed silent, holding me closer.__ I took a deep breathe, and forced the words over the lump in the back of my throat. It came out as a whisper, but I knew he could hear me. "I have to let you go." My voice broke on the last word._

_"I want you to have something," he whispered, and reached into his pocket. He took my hand, set the object on my palm, and then closed it, his fingers pressing mine firmly closed around it. "Don't look," he told me, "until I'm gone. Promise me that."_

_I squeezed my eyes eyes closed against another tear. "I promise."_

_"Remember that I'll always love you."_

_The fissure in my heart threatened to open up and engulf me. I closed my eyes, tears beginning to spill again, and put my hand over his, holding it to my face. I wanted so badly to hold it there, and never let him leave.__ I turned my head, pressing my nose into his wrist, breathing in his scent. I would never forget it._

_I felt him lean forward, and then his lips touch my hair, and I knew he was doing the same. Too soon, he pulled away._

_His eyes were pain, though he tried to hide it. "Goodbye, Bella," he whispered. He smiled my crooked smile and then he turned and walked away._

_My heart ripped open._

I knew it was just another night terror. Another bad dream that would dissolve the moment his arms encircled me. I knew that the tears wouldn't help, that the scream would only send him into another panic. I knew that I couldn't take much more of this. But I screamed and cried and thrashed nonetheless.

"Edward!"

His name burned like acid at the back of my throat. The emptiness inside of me felt oceans deep.

I thrashed out with my arms, tangled amidst the sheets. "EDWARD!!! EDWARD!!!" My contorted body, tormented by such a strong need for someone I could never have, was twisting itself into strange shapes. I fought against the binding arms of the blankets, fighting for him.

Warm hands caught and held my face, a heavy protective body pressing my twitching one to the bed where it couldn't hurt itself. He pressed his face against mine, shushing me softly as I continued to scream.

"Edward!"

"Ssh, Bella. Ssh...it's only a nightmare...it's only a dream." He stroked my face, softly, gently.

My body began to relax. "Edward..."

"It's okay...it's okay...it's okay..."

Finally my heart started to slow, my spasming limbs righted themselves. I took a deep breathe, and opened my eyes.

Paul's face loomed inches away in the darkness, his brown eyes frightened.

"Paul..." And then I was crying again, drowning in my own sorrow. In some far away place I could feel him pull me from the bed, into his arms, and rock me softly. But I did not process this.

All I could process was the pain...the pain of my loss, the pain I was causing Paul...the pain of being torn apart even after two months...

I mean, how much is one person supposed to take before they're allowed to shatter completely?

I woke cacooned in warm. Blinking the sleep from my eyes, I glanced around and knew almost immediately where I was. The living room. How I got here is another matter entirely.

A loud snore startled me, a familiar snore, and then I automatically relaxed. Paul. I straightened my neck out to see myself cradled in Paul's arms, curled, along with him, in his father's old armchair. Paul's head lulled backward, his mouth hanging partially open, his hair sticking out at odd angles.

I fought to hold in a laugh.

Smiling, I pulled myself up so I could kiss his cheek, and then I began the meticulous process of untangling myself from his lap. Once I was free, I tiptoed upstairs to take a shower.

Up in the bathroom, I turned to face my relfection in the mirror. To any ordinary onlooker I might look like someone who suffered from a nights insomnia. To me or any of the Quilete boys, I looked like someone who was being haunted, and that's exactly what was happening.

Even in my mind, I couldn't bear to say his name. Screaming it in my sleep was bad enough. In my waking hours, even a small mention of caramel hair or amber eyes could send me into a fit of tears. I couldn't even think about him now without tears leaking down my face.

_Stop this_, I told myself, glaring back at my own red-rimmed mahogany eyes in the mirror. _You need to get over this.__ It was two months ago. _I told myself this every day, every morning after I woke up, and every evening before I fell asleep._ You need to get over this._ But I never do. I want to, so badly, but my mind just won't let me.

Still glaring, I turned swiftly away from the mirror and stepped into the shower and let the scalding water turn my skin beet red, burning away the frostiness of my nightmare. When I stepped out of the bathroom ten minutes later, wrapped in a towel, Paul was just finishing tying his shoes. He glanced up at me through his bangs as I crossed to the dresser and then sat back slowly, appraising me.

I ignored him, pulling on my clothes as quickly as possible so that the heat wouldn't leave my skin. Only as I was pulling my damp hair back with an elastic did I turn around and meet his gaze.

"What?" I asked.

He fixed me with his calm hazel gaze, and I felt my stomach do flipflops. He shrugged. "Do I need a reason to watch the most beautiful girl in the world get dressed?" The corner of his lip lifted in a small smile.

I felt my cheeks start to redden. "That's kinda creepy, you know," I scolded him, turned to face him completely and dropping my hands to my sides.

"What? Me watching you?"

"Yes."

He smiled wider and stood, walking toward me. "Why? I watch you sleep, and eat. Why is it any different?" He stretched out his arm and placed his warm hand against my neck, sending shivers down my spine.

I fought to concentrate with him this close. "Because...it just is."

I felt his breathe on my face as he chuckled softly, his nose nearly touching mine. "I need a better reason than that. That's a terrible argument."

My voice trembled with a giggle. "I'll get back to you on that then..."

A grin flashed across his face, showing his teeth. "I'll give you some time to think then..." And he pressed his lips to mine.

At first it was nice, having his lips on my mine, knowing that, against all the things that had happened to us, we still fit together, and it felt right. In fact, I even kissed him back. But then things started to change. He got more into it. His arms wound around me, pulling me tight against him, his lips moved frantically against mine. His smell and the heat from his chest engulfed me, and I suddenly couldn't breathe.

"Get away from me!"

Before I knew what was happening, I'd yelled, shoved against his chest, reeled away from him, had started to cry again. My insides were in torment, images of...him...flashing through my head. Memories of past kisses, memories of the accident...

"No!" I fell to my knees, head cradled in hands, shaking, rocking.

"Bella!" Paul's hand touched my shoulder, a tentative arm wrapped around me. When I pulled away, he let me, but kept his arm lightly around me, holding me up in case I completely crumpled. Slowly my shaking began to subside, I could comprehend what was happening. As he felt me relaxing, Paul leaned closer to me, and pressed his lips to my hair. "I'm sorry, really sorry, Bella...I didn't know. I'm so sorry."

"No," I struggled to get up, "No, I'm the one that should be sorry. I...I can't control myself, and I should be able to. I'm sorry."

Paul helped me up, and led me to the bed where he sat beside me. He brushed a hair out of my face. "I just thought you were done...I don't know..." He sighed heavily.

My head perked up. "Done what? Done loving him?" It hurt to say those words, no matter how true.

He turned to me in a flash, his face suddenly red and angry. "Yes! As a matter of fact, I did! I mean, is it so bad to want to kiss the person you love without them pushing you away? Is it so bad for me to want your love in return?"

I felt my own eyes widen, my heart begin to throb with sorrow. I watched him wheel for the door, his hands shaking. My stomach jumped into my throat, and without knowing what I was doing, I raced after him and caught his arm. I couldn't turn him around, but I was able to hold him there, simply by the fact that he knew he would hurt me if you pulled away or shoved me.

"Paul..." my eyes filled with tears as I realized how much pain I'd caused him. "Paul...I...I really am sorry. It's just...I loved him so much...and then...to lose him and then...it's just...it's too much...I'm sorry. I really am trying to get over it...but it's...it's hard sometimes. I just get overwhelmed...and I can't hold myself together...I'm sorry."

I felt his shoulders slump in defeat, and he half turned towards me, his eyes sad. "Bella..." he began.

The tears were silent now, sliding unnumbered down cheeks. "I'm just...I'm broken, Paul...he broke me...and I'm just not sure if I'll ever run right...but I'm trying...and I am getting better...I just...I need time..."

His hand cupped my face, pulling it up so he could see my eyes. I stared up at him, the tears still falling, and let my shoulders shake.

"If time is what you need then you can have all the time you want, Bella. I promise not to push you. I'm sorry I did that...you just...you seemed better." He touched my cheek, wiping away the tears. "I guess not, huh?" He cracked a smile.

I laughed softly and smiled up at him, leaning my hand into his palm. "Thank you." I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around his waist.  
"Thank you for understanding."

He wrapped his arms tightly around me. "No problem."

Sniffling, I pulled back slightly, and bit my lip, thinking before I acted. "Let me try something...I don't know if it will work...but please just be patient."

He nodded, looking confused.

Sighing, I leaned up on my tiptoes and pressed my lips softly against his. I paused, but no flashbacks came. I pressed them there again, a third time, a fourth time. Still nothing. Moving slowly, I moved my lips against his, opened my mouth and breathed in his scent. Nothing.

Smiling, I leaned back again.

"I just need time," I whispered again. "And as long as we take it slow, I think I'll be okay."

Paul grinned and cupped my face. "Sounds good to me."

I smiled wider, and pressed my lips once more to his, and thought to myself. _Maybe I am, finally, starting to heal._

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sorry if it seems a bit rushed or disfunctional, but i just had to get this chapter out of the way, so i could get going. the first chaps always the hardest for me, but once i get it out of the way i usually can start getting some good stuff in, so please be patient and keep reading. i hope to be more interesting in the next chapter and actually go somewhere. :D

please, please, please review!

-Isabellthelooser


	3. Chapter 2: Vice Versa

so here it is, the second chap. enjoy it. i hope i didn't completely change the meaning of this story by doing this, but i just felt bad leaving jacob all by himself with no story to him, so here's a little jake for you guys. once again, i hope i didn't totally ruin the story and change it to a jacob story. next chap will be back to bella and paul i swear, but i just had to write this. please review!

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Chapter 2: Vice Versa

**Jacob Black**

It is now my profound pleasure to let you know the truth about life, love, the universe. It's not fair. It's never fair. It's just a simple fact I've come to accept as events unfold. And since the iron is still hot, I'll let you know another of my trade secrets. Love is another form of suicide. Yes, I mean it. I've seen it first hand. I've seen someone else go through the chopping block, and even witnessed first hand love's keen sting. Not to deter you from loving or living, of course, but these are just some facts that I've come to accept over my miserable life, and in the end, I've come to realize that the sooner you know these things, the sooner you can crawl back to your sad little corner of the world and mope about how painful it is to lose someone, and how terrible your sorry life is.

_Jake, knock it off._

_Yeah, man, some of us want to be able to stomach our lunches later._

_Some of us have girlfriends, Jacob, jeez, stop wallowing in self pity._

_What a total retard._

_Go ruin someone else's day instead for a while._

Here is another sad, painful law of nature. No matter how much time you spend with people, they will never completely understand you. And no matter how many friends you have, you will always feel lonely in some part of your life.

_Jake, enough is enough, you've been at it for weeks. Go take a drive or something. Get out of town. Cool off._

For me, I'm alone all the time it seems. Wandering in my own hazey mind amidst a crowd of people who don't know a thing about what I'm feeling, and don't care.

_Jacob! Now!_

Sam's orders slash through my cloud of thoughts like the slap of a whip, making me wince and cringe. Out of the shade of a nearby tree Sam's eyes glare at me meaningfully. His orders burned themselves into the backs of my eyes. I would leave, I would take a break.

In a roar of semi-pain, Sam phases back to his human form and I do the same, breathing slightly heavily from the exertion. He clasps me on the shoulder, his eyes kind and worried. "Go, Jacob, now. Get away from here for a while. I'll tell Billy you've gone on a mission for me."

I dip my head to him and thank him, and send one last glare to my so-called friends. Embry and Jared laugh at me, Quil and Seth watch in saddened silence, but only Leah looks right at me, right into my eyes. I pause as her eyes lock on mine, and I think she's about to say something, but then she just frowns and looks away.

I take off running in the opposite direction the pack was heading, back toward Forks. I'll take the back roads, cut through the forest,  
keep going until I find somewhere far away from here where they can't hear my thoughts or find me. I'll go far enough away that I will finally disappear for good.

Running is something I've always enjoyed, even before I became a werewolf and could suddenly run longer, faster. Now it's my destiny,  
a duty. I chase monsters; now I'm running from my own, personal ones. My demons...

For a long while there is only the pounding of my feet on the wet earth and the shifting of the trees, no sights but the towering trees and looming clouds. For a long while there is nothing in my head but a desire to flee from the place I once called home. Once I am far enough away though, there is nothing to distract me from my thoughts. And there is only ever one thing on my mind.

Bella.

It seems ironic somehow, that out of the three of us; Edward, Paul, and I, it is me who has known Bella the longest, loved her the longest.  
And I was the first one she dismissed. Then Cullen was next, and then Paul. I would have thought that she would have chosen the bloodsucker over Paul, in fact, I would have preffered it. She could have disappeared from my life then, and I would not be the one running away from humanity. I wouldn't have to hear Paul's thoughts every day; see the images in his head of a beautiful girl sleeping beside him every night, hear his voice telling her goodnight, and know that, somehow, he was a better werewolf.

That's what kills me. How was I any different when I was in love with her. I told her, I tried to kiss her. I loved her with all of my heart,  
and then up comes Edward and swipes her away. I always just figured she liked vampires better. But then, how come she chose Paul now?  
How is he any different from me? What is it that I'm lacking that makes me so inferior to him? Why do I get chastized for being broken hearted,  
when he's the one that goes around spouting poetry in his head all day?

I guess I'll never know now. Because I'll never go back.

Even though I try to block Bella from my mind, some little part of me still wonders if she senses my absence. If she'll even notice when I'm not there. If she even knows my name anymore, if she remembers her best friend. Former best friend, I suppose. But I guess that just proves my earlier point: life is definitely not fair.

At some point I cross the border into Oregon, a little state south of Washington. I barely notice the change. The trees are still dark and gloomy,  
the pine needles still line the ground like a soft carpet, the air still smells of sadness. The only difference is the rain.  
It has stopped raining.

I keep running until I find a small town on the coast where there seems to be little population. The sign reads: City of Lakeside, Population 1,463.  
This is my kind of place, just like Forks was; small, low population, on the coast. I slow down as I enter the town, not wanting to draw more attention to myself than necessary. A couple people turn to stare as I walk by, and I remember that I'm wearing only my cutoff jeans. Crap. I didn't bring any money either. I lower my head and walk faster, heading toward the center of town, hopefully to find somewhere where I can "borrow" a t-shirt and shoes.

When I get in-town though, all there seems to be is a big park. It's almost empty though, so I head to it, thinking maybe I can find an old thrown out shirt there or something, maybe even get some money and food. As I get closer though, all there seems to be is a playground and a few benches.  
Sighing, I drop onto one of the benches and let my head fall into my hands.

What was I thinking? Running away like that? I don't have any money, no way to get food or clothes or lodging. I'm stranded. The revelation nearly brings tears to my eyes. I let my shoulders shake, almost wanting the tears to come so that I can let some of this pain out.

As the first one slides down my dirt caked face, I feel a cold hand on my shoulder.

I flinch away, leaping to my feet and wheeling toward the person who touched me.

A girl stands beside the bench, her hand still outstretched, her green eyes wide with surprise. I quickly take in her appearance; holey blue jeans, a a thick sweatshirt, converse, a bag over one shoulder, her thin bone structure, heart-shaped face, and pale complextion. All this I take in in a split second, but the attribute that sticks with me the most if her flaming red shoulder length hair. I've never seen hair that shade before, even the bloodsucker had darker hair.

Then I look into her eyes. Deep sapphires, seeming to radiate warmth and light. Somehow concerned, joyful, laughing, and surprised all at the same time. Glowing. It is then that I realize that I have startled her.

Taking a deep breathe (she's definitely human) I relax my stance. "Sorry," I mumble, "You startled me."

She raises her eyebrows at me. "I startled you? More like vice versa." Her lip turns up a little in a cute sidewards smile.

I laugh lightly. "Oh, yeah, sorry...I'm a little jumpy..." I smile at her and run a hand through my hair.

Her eyes turn concerned again. "That's why I came over here, you looked really upset." She tilts her head, smiling the cute smile again. "It's almost been my worst nightmare that I'll see someone upset and decide not to see if they're okay and then see their picture in the obituary the next day, listed under suicide."  
She quirks the smile the other way and sitting down on the edge of the bench. "Sorry, I ramble a lot."

"It's okay." I sit back down on the bench beside her, and somehow it seems right, sitting so close to her. "I do that quite frequently, so maybe we're a good match."  
I smile, and then think maybe I shouldn't have said that, but she laughes and grins, showing imperfect white teeth. Somehow, this makes her even more beautiful, because she's flawed, just as we were meant to be as humans. Or almost humans, in my case.

She catches me staring at her teeth. She covers them with her hand. "Oh my buddha! Do I have something in my teeth!"

"No, I was just looking at them..."

"Oh, yeah, they're like gross, I need to get braces bad." She lowers her hand, but runs her tongue over them anyways.

I smile, "I like your teeth."

She tries to smile without showing her teeth (which is pretty much impossible). "Thanks. I like them too, but my boyfriend once mentioned that they gross because of how crooked they were."

"Your boyfriend isn't a very good judge of beauty then." As soon as the words escape my lips I immediately want to take them back. She probably thinks I'm hitting on her. _God, Jacob,_ I think, _she has a freaking boyfriend!_

For a moment her smile fades, and then it returns even wider (showing her teeth). "Thank you, you're too nice." She looks down at her feet. "No ones ever really called me pretty before, so...it's nice to hear." She tucks her hair behind her ear with one swift movement, revealing her smooth neck. I'm trying to figure out how someone can be so beautiful. Almost as soon as she lets go, the wind blows part of it back over my ear, cascading it down her cheek.

I try to resist the urge to tuck it back for her. Why am I so infatuated with this girl? "Who is this boyfriend of yours? I wanna meet him and tell him a few things about beauty." I crack a grin at her, "You'd be my first example."

She smiles up at me, "What would be your second?"

"Me, naturally."

We both laugh for a few minutes, smiling at each other.

Then she sits up, suddenly serious. "You wouldn't want to meet Danny though, he was a jerk." She giggles to herself. "He wasn't very bright either; thought the Dali llama was actually a llama."

"Was?" my ears prick up at the hopeful word.

"Oh," she sits up straighter, "oh, you thought....oh god no! I dumped that dumbass a couple months ago." Her eyes glisten with sudden amusement. "You thought I was still dating him? Were you like...jealous...of him?"

"Oh," I feel my face start to turn red. Shit. "Oh...no...no..."

She laughs and play punches me in the arm. "Just kidding ya, buddy." She suddenly looks thoughtful, and her green eyes fix on mine again. "You know, if you told me you had a girlfriend, I think I'd be jealous."

My heart jumps. "Really?"

She nods, "Yep. Or, at least, I'd have to make sure she appreciated you. And then, depending on if I could take her in a fight, which I probably could, I would definitely steal you away for myself."

My heart is stuttering and bumping into itself. Could she like me too? "Does that mean you like me?"

She glances up at me, her face calm like she does this every day. "Definitely. I mean, I don't meet guys like you every day."

"Guys like me?"

"The rugged handsome, half naked, sweet but not overbearing, mature but funny type."

I feel myself smiling at this. "You think I'm handsome?"

She cocks her head, as if thinking, and then looks me up and down. "Yep. Definitely a hot factor in there somewhere."

I smile and turn to look out ahead of me, not trusting my expression enough to face her. I feel her turn and look forward too, and together we watch the sun begin its treacherous path down the sky; banking beneath the far off hills and mountains. A couple leaves glide from the branches of their trees, drifting down like pre-season snowflakes. It's too beautiful here. This can't be real. I glance over my shoulder at the girl beside me, and when she smiles back at me, I have to think: maybe this is real after all, and that makes me smile even wider than before.

"What's so funny?" she asks.

"Oh...I was just thinking that this can't possibly be real." I turn to look at her again, at her glowing face.

She nods, "I wonder that a lot."

I laugh. "So what if I told you I had a girlfriend?"

She smiles, "Like I said, I would steal you away, perhaps hide you in my closet, and then find this girlfriend and...well...beat the crap out of her until she gave you over to me." She laughs, "Sorry, I'm very agressive."

I laugh with her, "It sure provides a funny mental picture though."

We laugh together for another long while until we both trail off. As I'm staring her again, a leaf falls from above and gets caught in her hair. Even the red on red looks lovely, I figure she doesn't want it there, so ignoring the sane part of my mind, I reach out and pull it out.  
I drop it to the ground, but my fingers remain tangled in her hair, and I feel her eyes on my face as I run my fingers through it slowly. It's so soft and beautiful and smooth.

Speaking softly, my eyes still fixed on her hair, I asked her, without thinking, without caring what her reaction would be. "What would you do if I told you I didn't have a girlfriend?"

I look up long enough to find her eyes on me, deep and probing, some emotion burning deep within their emerald depths.

Her face remains smooth as she answers. "I would do this." And she leans forward and kisses me.

Just once, a brief touch of the lips. But it's enough to get my heart pounding. She is too beautiful.

Too soon, she leans back, and I lick my lips which makes her giggle.

Smiling shyly, she tucks her hair behind her ear and meets my gaze uncertainly. I watch her in awestruck silence, my blood pounding. Speaking softly too, she asks me, "What would you do if I told you I think I might love you?"

I grin. I can't help it. I grin, literally, from ear to ear. "I would ask you to do that again, please?"

I meet her in the middle as our lips meet again, and this time they don't seperate. Her lips are moist and form perfectly around mine,  
they feel the way I always imagined they should feel. Amazing. Automatically my hands reach for her, and I cup her face. I feel her hands on my face too,  
running through my cropped short hair.

We break apart for a moment, our lips still brushing, our noses grazing. I feel her smiling and know that I am too. I move my hands to her hair again, pulling her closer to me.

"I would tell you that I think I love you too," I whisper against her lips.

She laughes breathelessly and I feel her lip quiver. "So...what now?"

I smooth back her hair and place my hands on her neck. "Now I kiss you again...and tell you that you are the most beautiful person I have ever met."

I kiss her mid breathe.

"I've never been so happy," she whispers when we break apart again.

"Me either," I whisper back, kissing her again softly, right as my stomach grumbles impromptly.

She giggles, "Why don't we go get something to eat? I know I'm hungry."

I smile, "You already know my response to that."

Our lips brush one last time and then we both sit back, breathless and smiling. I stand and hold out my hand to her but she just sits there, staring at me.  
"What?" I ask after a minute.

She shakes her, "I can't believe this is real." Then, abruptly, she pinches herself. "Ow! Okay, it is, sorry, I just had to check." She jumps up, ignoring my hand, and then pauses. "Umm...let's see...you need a shirt, don't you? Here..." She unzips her sweatshirt and hands it to me, revealing a tightfitting neon-green shirt underneath.

"Nice," I complement her as I take the sweatshirt and pull it on. It's a bit tight, but it's better than nothing. "Thanks."

"No problem," she answers.

"Won't you be cold though?" I ask, glancing at the setting sun.

"No, but I'll take that hand now."

I take her small hand in mine and together we walk back up the street, toward where I first arrived. "So," I mumble after a minute or so, "I guess I should tell you, my name's Jacob Black."

She smiles, "It doesn't matter to me what your name is; it's not important. It's what on the inside that counts." She holds out her other hand to me, "However...seeing is how you've given me yours...the names Ashley, Ashley Quinn. Like Harlequinn minus the harle."

I grin as I shake her hand. "Very nice, almost as good as Bond, James Bond."

"I try."

We make our way to a small diner where we are led to a small booth and handed dinner menus. I really want to sit next to her, but instead I go with the traditional sitting across from the other person. She grins at me from across the table and motions at a section on the menu.

"I would recommend the teriyaki beef burger, personally. Very large portions."

I smile and lay it aside. "Sounds perfect."

We're both still giggling when the waitress walks up. I don't look up at her like I normally would because I'm watching Ashley order. She uses her menu and gestures to it avidly even though she and the waitress both know what she's talking about. She orders a burger and a mocha. It is only as the waitress turns to me that I acknowledge her presense.

"Umm...I'd like a teriyaki beef burger also, and a large coffee, black." I glance up at her as I hand over the menu.

We lock eyes.

Something clicks inside of me.

I can't look away, no matter how much I try.

I feel whole inside suddenly, like a piece of me has been missing and I have finally found it.

I don't feel happy though, not excited or elated, not even simply joyful.

All I can think is: _Oh shit

* * *

_

so, bad, horrible, totally off topic? beautifully crafted, one of a kind? let me know what you think. i'm thinking that since i like Ashley and Jake together so much (and this was all just spontaneous writing, nothing at all planned) that i might make his own story for him, along with having little bits with him in here. so, let me know what you think in regards to that, and if you liked how it went. :D i guess we'll see what happens with him and Ashley after this chapter, eh? sorry about the cliffhanger.

thank you guys so much. so far (after only 2 days) this story has 6 reviews, 198 hits, 7 favs, and 11 alerts! woo! but still, please, review, review, review. thank you to all of you who have so far. this chapter's completion is thanks to you!

p.s. this was inspired by the song Better Than Alone by Thriving Ivory. if you haven't heard this band or song, then please listen. i love their music.

-Isabellthelooser


	4. Chapter 3: Muscle Memory

Hey guys! chap 3 is up! yay! back on track! lol. I hope you guys this chapter, I'm pretty proud of it, though it does tend toward a higher rating... :D

if you notice that some paragraphs are broken up like

this,

it's because my computer no longer has Microsoft Works at all, so I have to write everything on the notepad, which just keeps going and going and doesn't restart on the next line, so I have to do that manually and sometimes it translates here weird...so sorry, but I don't have the patience to go back and fix it all. :D also, I have no abc check or grammar thing, so that's why there are so many mistakes, plus I'm writing this as quickly as possible cuz the words are just flowing and I have to get them down and I don't want to stop and recheck my work, so yeah, i appologize for any "huh?" moments in my writing. XD

the next chapter will hopefully be from someone else's POV for once, sorry about all the Bella but she's the easiest to write from and it is her story, so...yeah. maybe one of the wolves like Paul or Leah or even someone else, don't know yet. :D

enjoy, and please review.

* * *

Chapter 3: Muscle Memory

**Isabella Swan**

I wake cradled in warmth against his chest. My first thought is, _oh crap, I've let him down again_. But when I sit up, I'm not in the living room like usual, we're both still in bed beneath the covers. My second thought is, _maybe I can do this._

Paul looks rested for the first time in what seems like months. In sleep his face is so peaceful, he looks as gentle as kitten, to a casual onlooker, you wouldn't suspect that a monster's blood ran through his veins, that within half a second he could turn into a towering beast. I still remember the day I found out that he was a werewolf; I can't believe I ever feared him or thought him an actual monster. No one so kind and gentle could ever be a monster. And even if he were, I would still love him with all my heart, as I do now. Nothing will ever seperate me from him.

Smiling, I kiss him softly on the lips and then lay back down beside him again, resting my cheek on his bare chest, letting his warmth seep back into my bones. He stirs slightly at my cold touch, and then wraps his arms around me, sighing in his sleep. I didn't used to believe in heaven, though I didn't believe in hell either, but now I most certainly do, because I am most certainly in heaven.

I wait, dozing through the early morning, until the sun begins to shine through the open curtains, until the last possible moment, to carefully pry myself from his arms, give Paul a little prob to get him going, and then head downstairs to get some coffee. It's strange how a stillness fills the air in the early morning, like a suspense has crept over the world, and even the dew drops have paused in wonder of what will happen. I gaze out the window as the coffee pot grumbles to life, and stare in amazement out at the clear blue sky. What are the odds that I morning I wake up with no nightmares is the day that the sun comes out?

Paul walks in as I'm laughing to myself. He pauses in the doorway, leaning against the doorframe, and it's only when I feel his eyes on me for a while that I turn to look at him, still smiling.

"What?"

He smiles, "Nothing. It's just good to see you smiling for once."

"Oh..." I feel my smile fade slightly.

He crosses the room in two long strides and wraps his arms around my waist, pressing his lips to my ear. "I love you, and I'll always love you, good or bad, but..." he brushes my hair back from my face. "I'd prefer the good."

I smile. "I think I'd prefer that too."

"Well, we all have our bad days, don't we? I mean, otherwise there wouldn't be good, there'd only be normal." He smiles, "And what fun would that be."

I wrap my arms around his neck, turning my head to look in his eyes. "Paul, I wanted to appologize for my behavior these last few months. I know you said you'd understand, but I also know that if I were you, I would be thoroughly tired of all of this by now. So I just wanted to say I'm sorry, and I'm back to being normal, or close to it."

His dark eyes probed mine for a long while. "Bella," he began, "I'll admit it has been hard these last two months, and there have definitely been times where I wanted to just slap you and tell you that he's gone, and to get over it. But that's what shows how much I love you. Is that I want you to be happy, and I want you all to myself." He pulls me against him as he says this, grinning. "I'm glad you're getting better. No nightmares tonight?"

"Nope."

I feel his face press into my hair. "What did you dream about instead?"

Standing on my tiptoes, I pull myself up to kiss his neck. "What do you think?" I continue up and down his throat with kisses, leaving a trail from his jaw around to his shoulder and then up to finally meet his hungry lips. It feels great, not having to pull away, not having to ask him to stop, to be able to just enjoy the kiss and finally, finally, be able to kiss him back. His lips mold around mine,  
perfect and warm, the way they used to be before he had to get all careful. I didn't realize how much I missed this until I finally have it back.

After a minute to turns his head and kisses my throat too. "Mmm..." he whispers, "I know what I dreamed about..." his lips work at my jugular while I try to catch my breathe. His lips make my blood pound and my fingers tingle in a strange, amazing way. I've definitely missed this.

I laugh beneath my breathe, letting my fingers play in his hair. "That sounds good...I wonder if we had the same dream..."

"There's only one way to find out..."

It's my turn to say "Mmm..." God, I've never been so happy in a long time. "I know mine involved a whole lot of kissing..."

He chuckles against my skin making me shiver with delight. "That sounds very nice...though mine went a little more...indepth."

My heart throbs in anticipation.

Abruptly, his lips return to mine, more demanding then ever, and mine willingly give back. His hands hold my face, his fingers playing in my hair, caressing my jaw. My arms wind around his neck, pulling myself against him.  
I crush my lips to his, reveling in the notion that I can do this, and catch his lower lip between my teeth as he opens his mouth to breathe me in. A wild noise escapes his throat, and then his hand is at the small of my back, tugging my against his body. Then I feel the counter top pressing against my back and I use this as leverage to crush myself even closer to him. I can feel every part of him against me, and every part of me is against him. My heart is going haywire, my blood is singing in my ears.

He breaks away, much to my dissatisfaction, and whispers calmly in my ear. "Shall we take this to a more appropriate venue?" Not waiting for my response, he lifts me easily with one hand and carries me up the stairs to his bedroom. Once there we kissed again, though this time it was less foreful. I unbuttoned his shirt with trembling fingers as he undid mine. His hands wrapped around my bared waist, my shirt hanging off my shoulders, as my fingers explored his wide strong chest. Our lips moved in rapid succession, and then...

The door banged open, and I was suddenly staring into the eyes of two people who should not be witessing this. Paul's head whirled around, his arms moving me behind him, shielding me from the two boys who now stood gaping and laughing in the doorway.

"What the hell?!" he yelled, his hands trembling slightly. "Haven't you heard of knocking?"

Jared was the first one to come to his senses, his face red from laughing. "Okay, was not expecting that! I thought you guys would still be asleep!"

Paul glared deep in his throat. "You were wrong."

"Obviously!" exclaimed Embry, who was trying to to catch his breathe, and gripping his stomach. His eyes found mine, and then lowered to my bared chest. I felt my face flush crimson and I clutched my shirt around me. "Though, I will admit the view is very nice."

Paul's arms moved me further behind him, hiding me, which I was grateful of, because I was frozen in shock. "Enough, Embry, grow up!" His voice sounded so angry and deep. "What was it you wanted to tell me, or did you just feel like barging in on a very personal moment for nothing?"

Jared was the most composed so he was the one that replied. He coughed to clear his throat. "Oh...um...Sam's called a meeting. He says he needs to take a break off his duties for a while and will need to divide the watches between us, since Emily's getting worse it seems. Plus Jacob's run off somewhere so we'll have to dish out his patrols as well..."

My heart stuttered for a moment? "Wait...Jacob left?" Had I been such an introvert that I'd missed this one crucial bit of information?

Embry nodded, grinning, "Finally got his sorry ass away from here. Jeez, the little idiot was really starting to bug me..."

"Where'd he go?" I asked.

Jared shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know, took off after Sam told him to take a break. He'll back sometime, I'd assume."

This made me relax; of course he'd come back. Then my mind flicked to the other bit of crucial information I'd missed. "Emily's sick? Is she okay?"

Paul tilted his head back towards me and mumbled under his breathe. "She's been getting sick lately, apparently it's getting worse. She won't see a doctor, they don't know what's wrong."

Jared nodded, "And, um...so, you might wanna get dressed..." cough, "the meetings in five minutes out of his house. He doesn't want to leave her alone for very long."

"Fine," he mumbled so them, "Alright, I'll be there in five. Now get out, before I throw you out."

Still chuckling, they left, closing the door behind them. Paul opened it to make sure they'd left completely and then turned to face me, where I was still frozen, staring ahead, clutching my shirt. He put his hands on my shoulders, sighing. "I'm sorry about that,  
they should have known better. I'm really sorry that happened." he sighed and glanced over his shoulder, "I should probably go though, this could be important."

I nodded, still dumbstruck. Then suddenly, I asked. "Can I come too? I'd like to see Emily. Maybe I can help or something, keep her company while you guys talk?"

Paul nodded in assent, "Sue and Leah are gonna be there too, so you'll have plenty of company." Then his face went sad. "I guess we'll have to continue a little later."

I laughed and threw my arms around him. "That's okay, I've heard it said the anticipation is everything."

Paul laughed too and kissed me softly on the lips. "Okay, so, you ready?" He glanced down. "Here..." he buttoned my shirt up for me again, doing his as well, faster than I ever could. "There, more than presentable. Let's go." We didn't bother grabbing our coats because the sun was still shining, and since it was such a short distance to Sam's house we decided to walk. He held my hand as we walked, swinging it back and forth between us and smiling at me from the corner of his eye.

"What?" I asked again.

"Nothing, I'm just happy."

This made me smile. "I'm glad you're happy."

We arrived just in time for Sam's meeting, and Paul gave me a quick kiss before disappearing into the garage where the other guys were gathered. I headed into the house where a strange anticipation hung, almost like a bad smell. It was completely silent as I wandered through the house looking for Leah or Sue, until I reached the back bathroom where the two were whispering in soft voices to each other over a bowl filling with water. Sue kept testing the water with her finger, and by the looks of it, it was very very cold. Leah had an armful of scraps of cloth over one arm and a blanket over the other.  
Both looked worried and exhausted.

"Hi," I said as I got closer.

Their heads shot up, and then Sue smiled; Leah just remained emotionless.

"Hi, Bella, have you come to see Emily?" Sue asked, as if I'd come to a dead-looking house for some other reason.

I nodded, "Yeah, I was hoping I could help or something. Is she okay?"

Leah and Sue exchanged a glance. "Come and see."

They led me the back bedroom down the hall where pictures hung of Sam and Emily's families; little kids in sunday dresses and pictures of them together. Sue opened the door onto a dark room. Huge curtains hung over the windows, keeping out the sunshine. The only light came from a small lamp by the bed, which illuminated a pale, trembling Emily, her long hair pulled back in a greasy, messy ponytail, her skin seeming to cling to every bone. She smiled weakly as I followed Sue in, and the movement caused the light to glint off her skin, and at first I thought of a vampires skin, but then I realized it was a sheen of sweat.

"Bella..." her voice sounded cracked and broken, strained. She reached up a shaking hand and I took it, surprised at the almost werewolf-like heat coming off her skin. Sue and Leah got to work at once, moving as if in sinc; Leah handing Sue a cloth right as she held out her hand for it, Sue dipping it in the water and moving over to Emily just as Leah took her spot at the head of the giant cold bowl. Smiling encouragingly, Sue carefully lay the cloth over Emily's sweaty forehead and in return got a sigh of relief. She placed another around her neck, and one on each shoulder.

"Thank you," Emily mumbled, smiling weakly again.

Sue sat down at her side and took her hand in hers, massaging it slowly. "Does that feel better?"

"Yes...much..." her glassy eyes flashed to mine. "And so new company I see...it's nice to have a new face...please forgive me for not offering something to eat...Sam won't let me cook or do anything..."

"And so he shouldn't," Sue added.

"It's alright, you should be resting."

"Tell me...how bad do I look? These two are just trying to cheer me up..."

I smiled and wiped away a strand of hair that had stuck to her face. "You look fine, really. Just a bit tired."

Emily nodded meekly. "Yes, I do feel tired...maybe I'll...sleep...a little bit..." Her eyelids began to droop.

Sue replaced the clothes three times in the next half hour as Emily dozed, removing the old ones gingerly and handing them to Leah. After a while, there were no more fresh ones.

"Leah, would you please, dear?" Sue gestured to the bowl and then to the hand Emily was clasping tightly in her sleep. "Bella, would you mind helping her?"

I thought Leah might object to my assistance, but she just nodded and carried the bowl out of the room, leaving me to gather the clothes and follow her. When I reached the bathroom I walked in to find the bowl in the sink but no Leah. Confused,  
I headed to the living room. When I came around the corner, I came upon Leah, but she was in a state that I had never seen before, or imagined I would see. Leah was crying.

"Leah?" I asked softly, not wanting to intrude.

She glanced up at me, her face red and tear streaked, but instead of wiping frantically at her eyes like I expected or trying to hide, she simply stared at me and then abruptly asked, "Do you think she's gonna die?"

Without waiting for an answer, she collapsed in on herself, curling her arms around her waist in a half-crouched position against the wall, sobbing harder. I dropped down beside her, but was uncertain whether or not it was acceptable to touch her, so I just sat there, looking concerned.

"I couldn't stand it if she died...I can't stand it now...when she's this sick. It's killing me to see her like this..." her voice cracked as she cried harder. "I know you're probably wondering why I care, since she's the one that stole Sam away from me, but I love her...even though at times I hate her...I still love her...and I hate seeing Sam like this...so tormented...and I can't do anything...I can only fold towels and dust the shelves and hand over wet clothes...I'm so...so..." she broke down again.

My arm moved to her shoulders, holding her against me, and she didn't pull away. "I understand...I really do...I hated Edward for leaving me...but I still loved him...it's not the same...but then it is..." She looked up at me and I used my sleeve to wipe her cheek. "You should tell her how you feel.  
I'm sure it would make her happy to know that she hasn't totally killed your faith in her...it might even help her..."

She shook her head. "No...I can't...people...they expect me to be bitter and angry...I'm not like that...I'm not like this...I'm just...so confused."

I nodded, "Well, I know one way you can help while still being a strong wolf girl."

She glanced up at me, wondering.

I grinned, "Show me how to fold those clothes..."

And she laughed and wiped her face, leading me into the bathroom.

By the time Paul came to collect me, we'd been through four bowls of water and Emily still hadn't seemed to cool off any. It was like her skin was radiating heat, yet she was shivering. Sam came racing in seconds after Paul entered and immediately rushed to Emily's open arms,  
lifting her partially off the bed to hug her, feeling her forehead and administering a cloth himself and then tucking her blankets closer around her. I followed Paul out with the image of Sam kissing the dozing Emily softly on the forehead and Leah smiling softly.  
Outside, it was raining again. We stopped in the doorway, gazing out at the sheeting rain.

"So how is she?" Paul asked, staring up at the gloomy sky.

"Bad, it seems. They're worried."

Paul nodded slowly, "Sam looks distraught. He could barely concentrate through the entire meeting...keep trailing off and he looked exhausted."

"He loves her a lot."

Paul turned slowly to me and nodded, smiling sligthly. "I know how he feels...god...if that ever happened to you..." He ran a hand through his tangled hair.

I took his hand, holding it tightly. "But it won't...I'm fine. I'm right here, and I love you." I kissed him briefly on the lips and then turned back toward the open doorway. "So...now...we walk home."

"I'm not gonna make you walk in this..." he moved to pick me up.

"Hey hey!" I moved away from him. "I have legs. I want to walk." I stepped out, raising my face to the sky, letting the tiny droplets run down my cheeks. "It feels so good."

Paul walked out beside me, hands in pockets. "I don't want you to catch a cold."

I smiled and took his hand, pulling him along beside me. "That's why I have you to keep me warm."

Halfway home the rain doubled and I let out a scream, dashing forward. All I could hear was the pounding of the rain all around, and the droplets hit the ground with such force that they bounced back up and hit me in the face. Before I knew it, Paul had scooped me up and was racing toward his house, squinting.

"This is where I carry you," he grumbled.

I laughed, and pulled myself up in his arms, kissing along his jaw. "It's a much better vantage point from here..."

We crashed through the door kissing. By the time we made it up the stairs and through the bedroom door (locking it), I was suddenly standing. Paul's hands pulled my face up to his, crushing his lips to mine, smoothing my sopping hair back from my face.  
I wrapped my arms around his neck, leaning on my tiptoes into the kiss. His arm wrapped around my waist, his palm warm against the bare skin at the small of my back. My fingers ran through his hair feverishly, and then dropped to his chest, unbuttoning his shirt and stripping the soaked fabric from his shoulders. His hands moved my the front of my shirt as my fingers grabbed hungrily at his stomach muscles, his waist. I didn't notice my shirt being flung into the corner, only the sudden warmth as his hands explored my bare flesh.

We spun in a semi circle, laughing and gasping between kisses, his fingers fumbling with my belt. He unbuttoned my jeans but didn't move to take them off. His lips moved to my ear. "Is this alright with you? I want to take it slow for you..."

My answer was to undo his jeans and crush my chest to him. "It's fine..." I whispered back.

He toppled us both onto the bed, and I lay there, gasping, as he moved over on top of me and, laughing, began to kiss me again, hungrily.

His warmth encircled me, and I smiled as he pressed his lips to the hollow beneath my chin and whispered he loved me.

* * *

good, bad? too much kissing? lol. I think Bella might need some chapstick, and even Paul too. sorry for any random confusion on the whole Emily thing, everything will hopefully be explained soon. :D I have it all planned out. I threw in the Leah thing cuz I love her (fav wolf next to Paul) and I wanted to show that she doesn't hate Emily now, but just wants her to get better. sorry if that whole scene seemed rushed, or even the whole thing.

thanks to all that have review, faved, and alerted (?) and all the hits (REVIEW IF YOU'RE GONNA READ!!! lol) I've near doubled since yesterday, at least with the reviews, so keep going! review review review! I am powered by your reviews and opinions (and orange, but that's a long story), so please keep the advice and stuff coming. let's try and beat Quartet out of the running for highest stats!!!

enjoy, next chap hopefully up tomorrow or Saturday. keep reading and reviewing, spread the word of love to your friends and non-friends alike!

p.s. whomever it was the sent me the review...sorry I can't remember who it was...you know who you are...you suggested a name to me and I said I would try to use it...something Midnight...if you could put the name in your review (cuz you know you're gonna review, right?) that would be helpful...i'm sure i wrote it down somewhere but I lose everything, so...yeah, that would be appreciated and thank you!

-Isabellthelooser


	5. Chapter 4: Irony

hey guys, sorry about the late update. I just couldn't find anything to write about, like what were they going to do for a couple more chaps that would be interesting? so, i skipped ahead a few weeks, sorry but i just couldn't find anything for them to do that wouldn't be like hell-a-boring for you guys, so. here it is, almost a week late? again sorry, hope you enjoy, i hope it's not too abrupt or retarded. i just couldn't get the words to work together, so sorry, and i hope the next chapter will be better, and longer. :D

* * *

Chapter 4: Irony

**Paul Freeman**

It's pretty miraculous that in two weeks you can completely change, but, considering it's Bella, I guess it's not that hard to imagine. Each night that passes with little or no night terrors, each morning that I wake up with her curled against my side, each day that goes by that I dream about staying home with her, every evening when I head home and she's waiting, her arms open, kissing me before we make it upstairs, when she falls asleep in my arms, smiling. That stuff, it changes you as a person, and possibly even deeper.

I will admit I was worried for a long time that she'd made the wrong choice, that I'd somehow forced her into it and now we'd never escape from the past. For two months I dreaded waking each night to his name being screamed from her lips, dreaded having to tell her everything was going to be alright, when I couldn't even be sure if I'd last another night like this. But then two weeks ago things started to change. I guess a self-promise is something more powerful than I'd imagined, because ever since she promised she'd do better, she has.

There is something magical about waking up beside the person you love, laying beside them and knowing that they love you too. Lying beside Bella, so close I can feel her breathing dip the bed beneath us, I can't imagine life any better.

Even with her mouth slightly ajar, her hair tangled and sticking out, she's so beautiful; too beautiful. I lean over and press my lips gently to hers. She shifts in sleep and mutters under her breathe, smiling sweetly. You'd think a heart would burst with so much joy, but mine's still intact, miraculously. I brush a hand across her bare shoulder, and kiss her jaw softly before carefully extricting myself from the bed so as not to wake her.

I head to the shower, glancing out at the overcast sky as I pass the window. I can't help but thank the rain for that night that changed so much. I smile as I climb into the steamy water, reliving it. Another heart-bursting joyful moment, maybe the best night of my life, ever.  
If only I could be sure she was alright. She hasn't been screaming in her sleep like usual, or crying, but that doesn't mean she's over him. I'd sure as hell like to just believe the night terrors are over and that we can get on with our life together, but I don't want to hurt her either. Sometimes I just feel like screaming myself, though I know she needs someone tough by her side now. And I figure I've got time, anyways, and together, we'll get through this. And for the moment, that seems like enough.

When I step out of the shower, Bella's still lying in bed, staring up at the ceiling, arms behind her head. "What are you doing?" I ask as I head to the closet.

She doesn't move, doesn't blink. "Just...thinking..."

I nod, pull on a pair of jeans. "What about?" I glance over at her, lying there, her chest rising and falling slowly. She doesn't answer. I walk over to her, "Bella?" I sit beside her on the bed and take her hand; it's ice cold. "You're freezing...are you okay?"

Finally she turns to look at me, a grin spreading across her face. "Yeah, I am naked under here, you know. It's bound to be cold. You could...you know...warm me up."

I chuckle and stroke her cheek, causing her to flush pink. I love it when she blushes. "Much as I'd love to do that...I think you should get up, get dressed, and head to the beach with me for some fun."

"Don't you have to patrol or something?"

This is usually the case, unfortunately, but today I say screw it all. "They can hold the fort for one day. I need some time with you."

"Okay," she sits up slowly, stretching, and once again I am taken aback by how beautiful she is. Yawning, she points at the wardrobe, "Pass me some clothes?"

This time when we head out, we both grab jackets, and we walk off in the direction of Push Beach.

I take her hand as we're walking, still shocked at how cold it is, even after a hot shower and two layers of clothing. "Maybe this isn't such a good idea...are you sure you're okay?"

Bella turns and gives me a look that says stop worrying. "I'm fine," she assures me, "I'm just not a warm person like you." She sighs as I rub her hands between mine, warming them through. "Thanks."

We walk down the beach for a while, holding hands, smiling, enjoying the fresh air. I watch the sky carefully, looking for rain, but the clouds don't look as dense of usual, as if they don't have it in them to persipitate tonight. The waves look peaceful, rocking and swaying, lapping at the rocks gently. It's as if everything has fallen into blissful peace. Even the gulls are silent, sitting atop their pires of rocks, sunbathing and preening their feathers.

I swing our hands between us, grinning. I hear her laugh and her heart beat faster. "You know, I've never seen a more perfect day."

She laughs her musical laugh, "You always say that, and then it always rains."

I laugh and look at the sky again, and sure enough, miraculously, there are storm clouds dominating the sky. "Oh, crap." We both laugh at the irony for a while, and then the rain begins to fall. It feels good, the feel of the raindrops hitting my face, slowly seeping through my jacket and t-shirt. Then it really starts to pour though, and Bella amits a yell of excitement as I drag her to a bit of overhanging cliff a little ways down the beach. By the time we reach it, we're both soaked and shivering. I glare up at the sky, wondering how in the world this could have happened so fast, but then again, it is Forks after all.

"This is crazy," Bella mumbles, glaring up the stormy sky and shivering. "I knew you were bad luck, but I didn't know how bad!"

I pull her against my side, under my shoulder. "Thanks a lot! Maybe I'll just shove you out there to get struck by lightning!"

She cuddles into my side, pressing her face into my shoulder. "You wouldn't do that. You love me too much."

I sigh and kiss the top of her head. "Definitely too much..."

We watch the rain for a while, waiting for it to die down so we can make a run for it, but it never ceases, just gets worse. Bella starts to turn pale, shivering violently in her wet clothes. I wrap my jacket around her too, but since it's soaked it doesn't do much but block the wind. I pull her into my chest and try to rub life back into her arms. Finally though, when her teeth start to chatter, I decide we need to get back to the house as soon as possible. "Come on," I say, guiding her to the edge of the overhang. "Let's just make a run for it, it'll warm you up too." She nods in approval, her teeth chattering noisily. I take her frozen fingers and, giving them a gentle squeeze, pull us both out into the sheeting rain.

Bella screams as the rain pounds her, and I bow my head, pulling her faster, and the rain engulfs us. I can barely see two feet in front of me, so I stay close to the edge of the beach, following the cliff. Bella stumbles and almost falls, catching herself on me and clinging to my hand. Through the thrashing rain I hear her shouting something, but I can't make out the words. "What?!" I scream over the din, but she doesn't answer. "Bella?!" I suddenly realize that my fingers, near frozen despite my warm body heat, have lost their hold on hers and not registered it yet. I stop abruptly, spinning to peer through the gloom, squinting. "Bella?! Where are you?!"

I hear a whimper, and head toward the noise. "Bella?" My foot hits something and I fall to my knees beside her, lying motionless on the ground, her fingers twitching in cold. "Bella!"

I lean over her, shielding her from the worse of the rain with my shoulders and peer down at her face, taking her hands in mine. Her face is ghostly pale, almost gray, her hands are like ice, like a vampires cold touch. "Shit!" I pull her gently into my arms and she whimpers again, shaking uncontrollably. "Hold on, sweets," I yell, and then I'm off again, sprinting, not caring in which direction I'm headed, just needing somewhere to get her warm, now.

It seems like forever before I finally reach town, and it's then that I know that Bella, descending into a cold shock, will not last long enough to make it to my house. So I turn to the nearest possible house: the Clearwater's. It seems like a life tiem, but finally I see it through the gloom and pouring rain. I burst through the door, not caring to knock,  
and immediately rush to the couch, where Sue Clearwater is already leaping to her feet, looking dazed.

"What--?"

I ignore her and lay Bella on the cushions, stripping off her soaked jacket and shirt, throwing them somewhere. She's still unconscious from cold, probably passed out.

"Paul, I don't--"

Just as fast I strip off my own jacket and shirt, making Sue gasp, and lay down on top of Bella, pressing my bare chest to hers, letting my warmth seep into her frozen skin. I take her face in my hands and wait for the blood to start flowing again. "Come on, Bella," I beg, "Open your eyes, babe. Open your eyes. Wake up."

"Paul, what happened?"

"Do you have any blankets, anything?!" I yell in desperation.

Sue nods, looking dumb-struck, and returns moments later with two thick quilts. I lift myself up enough to wrap them around her, and then pull her into my arms again, begging again. "Please, Bells, please. Wake up." Out of desperation, I kiss her, figuring it will wake her up. I kiss her cheek, her jaw, her throat, anything.  
"Come on!" Finally, I pull her face to mine, her eyes closed, and work my lips against hers feverishly.

Feverishly, but possibly not enough to break the cold.

* * *

enjoy? hate? let me know, please, please, please! and, again, whoever sent me that reply about the possible name and stuff, please remind me what it was. something Midnight. I'm thinking Jamie Midnight or Jane Midnight...? let me know!!!

plot hopefully starting to get somewhere soon, please keep faving, alerting, reviewing, and of course reading. nearly double yet again in all stats. keep up the good work. next chap up by at least saturday.


	6. Chapter 5: Heat Wave

sorry for the long wait, guys. I really appreciate you having enough patience to wait the, what, month, month and a half it's been i last updated. I've got this weird illness thing going on, and so I'm not feeling really inspired at the moment, but I'm trying.

hope you enjoy, sorry it's so short.

next chap I hope to have in Emily's POV. :) just a change from the old Paul and Bella POVs

review please!

-isabellthelooser

**

* * *

**Chapter 5: Heat Wave

**Isabella Swan****  
**

The last thing I remember is running through the rain with Paul; feeling the cool wetness hit my forehead, feel it soak my semi-dry clothes, feel the exertion of running at top speed. But then I feel something else...a cramping, an uncomfortable pain in my stomach and I stumble and almost fall. I feel Paul yank me forward, and I try to race after him, but the pain engulfs me, riding me like a wave. I fall to my knees, grasping my abdomen as my insides knaw themselves to pieces; all I can concentrate on is the fact that Paul's hand is no longer holding mine. He's gone. A meek whimper escapes my lips; the loudest sound I can make, considering the pain. And then it overpowers me, the pain, and I crumple forward, twitching, and discend into a world of cold and agony.

At some point, I fall out my contorted state and am able to breathe again, to unclench my hands, which are numb and sore. But even that won't rid my body of the horrid, cramping, knawing agony in my middle. It feels like something is trying to rip its way out of me. And it's so cold...why is it so cold? I don't believe I've ever felt this cold before, even the times I fell asleep in Edward's arms...even then I was warmer than I am now.

Edward...

Thinking his name is just painful enough to send me into another episode of pain, only this time it's my heart that throbs and screams in agony, and not me. It is a different being, a different entity altogether. And I watch as it eats itself alive from the inside.

"Bella...Bella...ssh, love. You're fine...Bella...Bella..."

I curl in on myself again, rocking back and forth, watching my tormented heart twist itself into unnatural shapes.

"Oh god, oh god, Sam, why is she making that noise? She's gone cold again...Sue? Sue, what's wrong with her?"

_Paul?_ I recognize the voice, but can't understand what he's saying. _Noise? I am screaming?_ I think, and suddenly realize how raw my throat feels, how out of breathe I am. I clasp my lips shut, fighting against the torrent of pain. I will not let Paul suffer too. As I think this, another wave of pain covers me, and I just barely break the surface. I can't let Paul suffer too... A tsunami hits and there is no way I can fight it...I fall under...

_Please don't let Paul suffer too..._

When I wake once more, I am finally, miraculously warm. My head is finally cleared, and I can breathe deeply. I can feel blankets covering my body, and the cool, frail skin of a hand holding mine. The latter is what confuses me. Paul's hand should be warm, shouldn't it? In the end, this is what gives me the energy to open my eyes despite the exhaustion hanging over me. When I look up, blinking the sleep from my eyes, it is not Paul's smiling face I see, but Sue's sad, pale one. She smiles when she sees me awake though, and pats my hand.

"How are you feeling, sugar?"

I do a quick assessment and groan.

Sue laughs, short and soft, and rubs my shoulder. "You must me stiff. You were curled in the fetal position for almost two days."

My eyes flash open wider. Two days?! My heart thunders in my chest. "What day is it?"

"Thursday."

That means I've been asleep for almost four days. It doesn't make sense...

"Where's Paul?"

Sue half smiles and inclines her head toward the bedroom door. "I sent him downstairs, banished him to the couch. He needed sleep and wouldn't leave you alone for a second. He's sleeping now, hopefully."

I sink back into the cushions, appeased for now; Paul's resting. "That's good. He needs his rest." I manage to untangle my arms from the covers and comb my hair back from my eyes with my fingers. The cold air hits my bare arms and I immediately shiver and get goosebumps. Why is it so cold?!

Sue's wrinkled hand rubs my arm, the back of her other one testing my suddenly burning forehead. "Why don't I go get him for you? He'll want to know you're awake." She gets up to leave, but I stop her, grabbing her hand.

"No," I struggle to pull my legs out of the covers and sit upright. My head spins vaguely. "Let me. I need to get up and stretch."

Her eyes grow nervous. "I don't know if you're ready for that...you're very weak."

I ignore her, planting my bare feet on the cold wood floor and taking a stride toward the door. I've only taken about two or three steps before I feel a twinge inside, and I cry out. My knees give out and I collapse to the floor, writhing like the knife in my abdomen is real and is slowly killing me like I imagine. I see the door fly open, and then Paul is beside me, taking my hand, stroking my sweaty forehead.

"Bella, Bella...ssh...it's okay. You're alright." And then over my head, to Sue. "What happened?"

I sense Sue shrugging. "She just stood up, she was going to go see you."

Paul brings his face closer to mine, till I can feel his cool breathe on my cheek. "Come on, let's get you back in bed." I feel his cold arms underneath me, then the ground disappears from under my tingling, burning flesh, and I'm on the bed again, getting covered up. But I'm so hot. I shove the blankets away when Paul tucks them around me, taking his hand and pressing it to my neck. My skin is so hot that his feels...cold!

"Bella," Paul gasps, "You're burning up!"

I feel the bed sag as he sits beside me, feeling my forehead, my cheek, my neck, finding my pulse and counting. "Sue...what does this mean...is she...like Emily...?"

Then I feel Sue's hands touching me, freezing my bare skin. "It's possible. This is just how it started...the fainting, the screaming, the heat. We won't know until later I'm afraid. Best to start treating it now though...I'll be back in a couple minutes." I hear the door click shut behind her.

Paul leans over me, pressing his cool forehead to mine. "Are you okay?"

I nod, though my body aches and I'm dieing for cold air. "I'm...okay..." My voice cracks and turns croaky. My head flares with a sudden headache. "Ugh..." I close my eyes, focusing on Paul's even breathing as I try to fend off a wave of nausea. It seems like only a minute has passed before the door clicks open again and Sue steps inside, carrying the same bowl from before, filled with freezing ice water, and behind her, Leah, looking morose, with an arm load of rags.

"Sue," I whisper hoarsely as she applies the first of many rags to my forehead. "Am I going to end up like Emily?"

She turns away momentarily, to soak another rag, and then tries to smile encouragingly as she applies it to my neck. "It's seems so..."

Paul strokes my hair back from my face, having moved to lay beside me on the other side of the bed so as not to be in the way. I grab Sue's hand when she tries to look away again. "Sue...is Emily okay?" I glance from her, to Leah. "Leah? She's alright isn't she? She's over it?"

Both look at me, but it is Paul who answers. "Sam's not very hopefull...she's gotten...bad..."

My heart plummets, and I clasp Paul's hand, terrified. The next ten minutes is a blurr as they apply another layer of rags to my burning skin and then Sue and Leah go in search of more water. "Paul...Paul...I...I...I don't want to end up like that..."

He pulls me into his arms, sushing me. "You're not gonna die, nothing's going to happen to you. You're safe, right here. We'll fight this thing together, okay? We're gonna get through this."

We're interrupted as Sue and Leah come back in. Within two minutes my skin has managed to boil the rags and soak them with sweat. The new ones don't seem to stand a chance against my burning forehead which fries them in what seems like seconds.

Somehow, I can't believe Paul.

* * *

next chap up hopefully by friday or sooner. thanks for all the support so far, and sorry again for the long wait. :(

sorry for the short chapter, but it was all I could do with my imagination tonight. Next chap should be longer also, with hopefully an explanation. I might have to have another time lapse of maybe a week or two, just because i want this to start going somewhere and it would be boring for me to write and you to read if I were to document another week or so and this "heat wave".

please review! thanks.

-isabellthelooser


	7. Chapter 6: The Truth

The Truth

**Emily Uley**

I was comfortably warm for the first time in two weeks. Wrapped in Sam's arms, I thanked the lord that finally, finally this day had come. No more sweating and burning from the inside, out. No more wet towels or sympathetic looks. I was no longer sick. I was me again, with one new addition. Thinking about it, I hugged Sam tighter, not wanting anything between us ever again...except maybe _this_ thing.

I felt Sam smile against my bare shoulder, his lips whispering across my cool skin as he spoke. "It doesn't seem real, does it?"

"No," I agreed, pulling slightly away to glance down at myself. "But there it is..."

He took my shoulders in his strong hands, following my gaze down to where my shirt hung awkwardly. "Yes, there it is." I looked up at him and grinned; we had been trying for a while, and now, finally, finally all our hopes had come true. "I'm so happy," he said.

"Truelly?" I whispered, placing a hand over my slightly bulging middle. "I was a little worried at first because you were so quiet. I thought maybe you didn't really...want to be..."

Sam took my face in his hands, staring into my eyes. "I was a little surprised, is all." He laughed lightly. "It was quite a shock. First thinking that my wife was sick and possibly dying, and then the next finding out that she was...well..." He placed his hand over mine, on my stomach, his thumb moving in comforting circles over the back of my hand. "But, really, truelly, I _am_ happy." He kissed me softly on the lips. "So, so, so happy."

I sighed against his lips, leaning forward into his arms again. He put his arms around me, supporting my weight. "Do you need to sit down?" he asked softly, already guiding me to a chair. I sat heavily, grimacing. Though the worst of the fever and sickness had burned off, I still felt weak and dizzy at times, or maybe it was just my body still adjusting to feeding two. Sam sat down next to me on the sofa, taking my hand in his. Now that he could touch me again without fear of making me worse, he didn't want to seem to want let go, which was fine with me. "Feeling okay?" he asked.

I nodded, breathing slightly heavier than normal, my hand rubbing in soothing circles over my lump. Something kicked beneath the surface of my skin, as if in response to the comfort. I frowned; normally you didn't feel it kicking until much later. "I can't help wondering..." I turned to look at Sam, who was watching me. "...why am I so far along, if it's only been two or three weeks. My sister didn't get this big until about her fifth month."

"Me and some of the other council members have been talking...Sue says that there were some stories of sickness like this, brought on by..." he nodded his head at my round stomach. "None of the council members have ever encountered it before, I suppose it's rare, but they believe it's because us werewolves heal so quickly, maybe it happens faster, it grows faster and matures." He sighed, "The way Billy figures it, by the rate it's growing, it should be full term in a little over two months."

I put my hand over my stomach, trying to guard it from my mental fears. I asked Sam, breathlessly, "Does that mean...our...it's going to be a...a werewolf too? That's why?"

Sam smiled without happiness. "Yes, I suppose. It probably won't reach that stage until later on in life, or maybe it never will...depending on the circumstances..." By that I knew he meant if the Cullens decided to move or stay put. "...but for now, it's just like any other, just growing faster."

I sighed again, craddling my lump. A sudden thought hit me. "Sam...you said this was a rare accurance...that none of the council members had ever seem this happen before...?"

He nodded, "Yes."

"Then..." I paused, remembering what Sue had told me the last time she dropped by. "Then what about Bella Swan?"

The fresh air felt nice after so much time inside, even though it was a chilly, rainy day. Of course, it was always raining. It felt good though, like a fresh start. And really, it was, a fresh beginning, a new life begun. At least for me and Sam. I was headed to Paul's house, to see if the same was to be said about Bella.

I shoved my hands deep into Sam's coat pockets - mine was now too tight around the middle - and hurried down the street, lifting my head every once in a while to drink in the slightly misty air and let the rain cool my face. I paused only once, outside their door, preparing myself for the news I had to tell, and then knocked. Sue answered minutes later, huffing as if she had run to get it, and looked surprised and slightly glad to see me. Her face was red and the lines were more prominant on her cheeks than normal. She was exhausted.

"Hello, Sue." I gave her a quick hug. "I came to talk to Bella, if I can. I have something very important to tell her."

"Umm...I'm not sure she's fit to receive any news right now..." Sue hesitated in the doorway. Leah was visible over her shoulder, standing on the staircase, a bowl of water in her hands, looking tired as well. "She's...not well..." Leah walked back up the stairs; a door clicked shut.

I nodded, "That's why I'm here. I think I may know what's wrong with her. But," I interrupted Sue as she started to enquire, "I think I should tell Bella, before anyone else. It's a little private."

Sue sighed, nodded, then let me in, pointing me up the stairs.

It was dark in Bella's room, and it smelled of sweat and sickness. Leah looked up as I entered, her profile just barely visible in the low light filtering through the closed curtains. She sat at the side of the bed, holding a pale, trembling hand between both of hers. "Emily?" she whispered, patting and setting the hand back on the bed, tiptoeing to me. A slight moan echoed across to us from the bed, a body shifting uncomfortably, the hand groping and coming up empty. "What are you doing here?" she whispered.

"I'm here to help Bella." I glanced back over to the motionless form. The head was slightly raised now, glistening eyes visible. "Emily?" a cracked voice enquired.

I ignored it, opening the door and ushering Leah out. "I need to speak to her alone. Can you make sure no one comes up for a while?"

Leah nodded, looking slightly confused, but headed down the stairs and I closed the door quietly. I turned back to Bella, lying panting on the bed, and sat down by her side, taking her hand. Her skin was slick with sweat, her hair stuck to her prominant cheekbones, eyes glazed with fever. "Hey, Bella, how are you doing?"

She sighed, a small noise deep in her throat. "I'm better." She smiled slightly, "I can sit up now without passing out. And," she added, gesturing at an empty bowl, looking proud. "I ate two bowls of soup and I haven't thrown it up yet."

I smiled back at her. "Good to hear it."

"How are you? You're better now, right? Paul told me. I didn't believe it until now though; I thought maybe he was just trying to make me optomistic." Her eyes flashed with happiness. "And look at that belly," she whispered.

I glanced down, running a hand over it, smiling. "Yes, we just found out a couple days ago."

"I'm happy for you."

"Thank you." I cleared my throat, preparing myself. "And that's why I came to see you today," I began. "I think this may be what's wrong with you."

Bella stared blankly up at me, her eyes confused. "I don't understand," she finally whispered.

I wet my lips, looking down. "We think that the this may have caused the sickness and fever that I had. The elders have never seen it before, but there are stories." I looked up at Bella, and a slow understanding was flooding her eyes. "It prooved true for me, so...I thought..."

"I'm pregnant?" her voice cracked.

I shook my head. "Not necessarily. It's just a theory. You may just be sick."

Bella frowned again, "Then how do we know. Do I just have to wait and see?"

Again I shook my head, pulling the rectangular box from Sam's coat pocket. Bella's eyes fixed on it, and she swallowed. "We need to test it, to see."

Her eyes turned glassy, and looked from me to the box, down to her thin frame below the sheets. "It's...it's not possible. I don't...how?"

"Did you and Paul...?"

A slight colour flooded her cheeks. "Yes, but..."

"Then it's possible." I gazed sympathetically down at her. "Bella, I know it's a lot to take in, but we should really test it, to see. Maybe you're worried for no reason, it may be nothing."

She closed her eyes, taking a few calming breathes, and then nodded. "Okay."

Five minutes later we were in the bathroom, me guiding her carefully to the toilet, one ensteady step at a time. I handed her the box. "Let me know if you need anything, okay? I'll be right outside." I clasped her hand one last time and backed away. She stared at the box in her hand. "When you're done we can sit on the bed together if you want. You don't have to do this alone."

She didn't glance up from the box. "Thank you, Emily."

I closed the door, waiting. I wasn't sure whether to be hoping for it to come up positive or negative for her; she was young, after all, but I couldn't be sure of what she wanted. Finally, the door cracked open, and Bella appeared, looking terrified. She held out her hand to me, the pregnancy test held out like a bomb. "Emily," she cried.

I rushed over, taking her arm, helping her to the bed. She collapsed there, sweat glistening on her forehead. I glanced at the test in her hand. "What is it?"

She shook her head, eyes closed. "I don't know...it's hasn't seasoned yet, I guess." She sighed. "Oh, Emily, I'm so scared. What if it's positive? What am I going to tell Paul?"

I took her hand, clasping it reassuringly. "You'll tell him the truth."

Her eyes started to tear. "What if he hates me? What if he leaves me because of this?"

"I don't know what will happen, Bella. I really don't. But if he loves you, he'll accept it and stay. If not, you're better off without him."

"I can't live without him," she whispered, almost inaudibly. I saw her eyes flash to the test, and her face paled.

"What does it say?" I asked, but she didn't respond. Her lips went white, her eyes watering. She let her arm drop onto the bed, the red plus-sign glaring up at us both, bright against the darkness.

The tears slid slowly down her cheeks, the silence drawing out around us like a pressurized balloon. She sniffled, wiping them away slowly, carefully, then, even more slowly and carefully, she slid her baggy shirt up, revealing the good-sized lump there, between her hips. Her eyes went wide, her hand sliding over it, palm down, as if she could erase it. "How-it's only been-"

"It's the werewolf," I whispered. "It makes them grow...faster...you should come full term in a about two months."

She didn't seem to hear me, just stared wide-eyed ahead, her shirt sliding back over the offensive shape. "I can't hide this," she whispered. "He's going to find out sooner or later."

"No." I took her hand in mine, staring into her eyes. "You're going to tell him. Today. Bella," I shushed her before she could protest. "He deserves to know. You owe him that much."

Slowly, vacantly, she nodded her head. "I...I...I can do this..."

I nodded, "Yes you can."

Just then the door downstairs closed, two pairs of footsteps echoing up the stairs. I heard two distinct voices.

"She'll be happy to see you," Paul was saying. Bella went rigid beside me on the bed.

There came a laugh, one I would know anywhere. "Yeah, I hope so. At least she can't punch me." It was Jacob.

They were right outside the door now, the doorknob turning slightly. "You'd be surprised," Paul joked. There came a knock, and Bella gasped. "No."

"Bella?" Jacob called, "Can we come in?"

I answered for her. "Yes."

They came in, first Paul, then Jacob. Paul looked tired, but there a smile on his face, hope in his eyes. Jacob was the same, if not happier, wearing an actual pair of jeans. When he saw Bella, his face brightened even more.

"Hey, Bells." He smiled.

"Jacob," Bella breathed. "You're back."

"Yeah," he clunked his way over, his shoes thundering across the floor in his eagerness. He gave her a light hug. Bella just looked stunned, her eyes on Paul, who hung back. "Ya miss me?"

Bella nodded, looking stunned.

I cleared my throat. "Umm...Jacob, could you step outside for a minute? There's something Bella needs to tell Paul."

"But-"

"Just for a moment," I persisted, giving him my best mom look. He left reluctantly.

At once, Paul was crouched down in front of Bella, clasping her shaking hand. "What is it, Bella? Is something wrong?"

Bella looked away, shaking, and he turned his frightened gaze on me. I cleared my throat again, nodded my head at Bella. Slowly, she turned her head to look at Paul. Swallowing, she picked up the test from where it had buried itself under the fold in the sheets. I gave her one more encouraging smile.

She turned her gaze on Paul, holding out the test with a shaking hand, plus-sign up. He stared at it, eyes widening. She swallowed, voice shaking. "Paul, I'm pregnant."

Paul looked slowly up at Bella, then at me. He swallowed slowly, standing, staring at the floor. And then he turned, walked slowly to the door, and left.

* * *

Hey guys, sorry it's been such a long time again. I just got back from England, and I started this there, and decided that, due to major jet lag, I would type the whole thing up at 12:30pm. I'm tired now, so this is just going to be quick, and sorry about the cliff hanger. more up soon I hope. review, review, review please! thank you to all who have reviewed, favourited, and alerted both this and Quartet. never have I been so excited to have my inbox full. thank you again.

until next time,

isabellthelooser.


	8. Chapter 7: For Better or For Worse

For Better or For Worse

**Bella Swan - Jacob Black**

It was all just too much. There was the fever - still managing to burn at the back of my mind - making me sweat, though my heart was frozen over with grief. And then Paul left. Just left. He hadn't even listened to me, though I don't know what I would have said, if I'd said anything. I looked down at my hands and knew that, really, I had nothing to give to him. Maybe I could have begged him to stay, maybe I could have explained what happened in the hopes that he would understand that I didn't want this either. It was a lot of maybes.

Then there was…It? Him, her, our baby? Our child? This lump under my shirt that I never noticed before, but now I felt like a dead weight between my hip bones; pulsating heat like a separate heart. But there is a heart in there, right? A little tiny embryo, brought into the world by accident, wreaking havoc before it has even evolved into a humanoid shape.

I hated it. I hated this _thing_ inside me, which had managed to ruin everything I knew, in a few mere seconds. I placed one hand against it, feeling its shape, the heat, and imagined a baby in there; _my_ baby. I imagined it growing into a cute little boy, a spitting image of Paul. Rounded cheeks, curly black hair, brown eyes, little legs blurring as he raced across the beach toward me, calling out "Mommy!" I hated it…didn't I?

Looking up, I saw Emily watching me, her face slightly softened, her own palm against her belly, slightly larger than mine. She smiled at me. "It's amazing, isn't it?" she whispered, rubbing the bump.

I frowned, feeling the dull ache of tears behind my eyes, and tryed to fight them down. _Paul will come back,_ I told myself, _He loves you. He'll be back._ "What is?" I whispered, though I knew the answer before she said it. I felt it, even then, when I wanted to hate this thing.

"The love," she answered, "It just…washes over you…"

I looked down at my own bump, wrapped my arms around it, protecting it from myself, from my own evil thoughts. I didn't want to feel this, not now. Not now when I'd just lost everything. "He's going to come back, right?" I felt the tears starting to well up. "Paul?"

Emily gazed at me with sympathetic, but truthful eyes. She leaned over and took my hand, holding it on the bed between us, her thumb stroking the back of it soothingly. "I really believe so," she said. "I know he loves you; I've seen the way he looks at you. I also know that, like Sam, he's just caught off guard and, most likely, acting out of shock." She smiled gently at me. "It _is_ a lot to take in. How are _you_ doing?"

The tears were hanging on the edges of my eyelids, a lump glued in my throat. "I'm…" I looked up at her, not able to answer. Her eyed turned worried and sad as the tears began their journey down my cheeks. I didn't know what I felt anymore.

"Bella, don't you worry, alright?" she slid across the bed and hugged me. I hid there, in her arms, letting the tears fall where they may. "Jacob's gone to talk to him. If anyone can talk sense into Paul, it's Jake."

* * *

"Hey! HEY!"

I crashed through the front door just a few seconds behind Paul, slamming through the door with enough force to shake the entire house. He didn't turn around as I screamed at him, just kept jogging away, head down, as if there wasn't a pissed off werewolf boy chasing after him - the pissed off werewolf boy being me, of course. My hands shook, tremors moving up my arms, legs, and spine. I took deep breathes to try to calm myself, before something worse happened; but, then again, I could break his face and it would heal in enough time to be fine for when he went back to Bella. _And he **will** go back to her,_ I thought angrily, _Or I'll break more than just his face._

"**_Hey!_**" I felt my vocal cords strain as I yelled as loud and as angrily as possible. Ten feet in front of me, Paul came to a staggering hault. I jogged up to him, my throat throbbing. "What the fuck, man!"

He didn't look at me, just turned away, hands jammed deep into his pockets, head down. "Leave me be, Jacob."

"Oh, no!" I shook my head, jabbing a finger at him. "You don't get to be left alone, okay? You get to feel the full throttle of my rage!"

A gutteral, emotionless laugh escaped his chest, and he half turned to face me. "You're a moron, Jacob, you know that? An absolute _jackass!_"

"Hey!" I put my hands up in the air, palms facing him. "I'm not the one that just left Bella, alright. You're the asshole in this situation."

Paul turned to face me, his face red, his teeth clenched. We stared at each other for what seemed like minutes, and then finally he shook his head. "If anyone's an asshole," he cursed, jabbing his finger up at the sky, "It's _Him_, up there. Isn't _God_ supposed to watch over us and all that, solve our problems, keep us happy. Well, fuck him if he thinks this is making me happy!"

Now I had my jaw clenched, teeth grinding together to keep from screaming. Screaming would not make this situation better, though it would make _me_ feel better. "Paul, if anyone is to blame, it's you."

"Me?" he looked flabbergasted. "I didn't ask for this! I didn't-I haven't done anything to deserve this!"

I shrugged. "It was you that did the nasty with her. You should have used protection."

He was turning red again, his ears going purple with rage. A growl sounded in his throat, and I tensed, but he made no move to attack me; just stood there for a moment, head bowed, his hands fists around his hair, pulling at it with tenacious fingers, until he slowly slid to his knees on the ground. "I didn't think this would happen-that it was possible."

I frowned. "How did you think _we _were created, stupid? You think a stork just flew down from the sky and dropped us here?" He glanced up at me with red-rimmed eyes, but said nothing. "You see," I continued, "It all starts with a little egg, and a little sperm, and when they meet..." I slid my fingers together, locking them into a web in front of me to illustrate. "They make a baby! Isn't it amazing!" I knew I probably shouldn't be like this right now, so over-the-top smartalik, sarcasm boy, but I just couldn't stop myself. Maybe it would distract him, anyways, even if he was distracted by his fist breaking my face.

Again, he merely looked at me, his face slowly returning to its normal colour, his eyes sad and lost. "How do you do it, Jacob?" he whispered finally. "You're so calm all the time-so collected. I never know what I'm doing. I mess everything up."

"Hey, not even. I am _sooo _not calm all the time." I said, remembering the day that Bella broke her hand punching me. "Everyone makes mistakes, Paul, even awesome perfect me. But the thing is, we try to fix those mistakes." I sank into a crouch facing him, our eyes level. "So, how about it, Paul? Are you going to solve this mistake?"

"I-I don't know. I don't know if I can." His voice shook. "Her face...I hurt her bad, didn't I?"

I nodded. "Yeah, you pretty much demolished her with this one, bro." At my words, Paul seemed to crumple smaller, his face pained. "But, you know what? It's not too late."

He head shot up, his eyes hopeful. "Really? You think she'd-"

"Take you back? Yeah. That girl in there loves you, Paul." I pointed back at the house. "She doesn't love me, she doesn't love the bloodsucker, she loves _you_. Now I don't know about you, but if Isabella Swan loved **me**, I would not be sitting out here in the dirt waiting. I would get my sorry ass in there before she gives up on you completely."

Paul looked at me, then at the house, and back. He sat up partially.

"Umm, I think _now_ would be a good time."

Slowly, he stood. Slowly, he turned to face me. Slowly, a small smile slid onto his face. "Thank you, Jacob." And then, not slowly at all, Paul raced back up the porch steps, and through the door without looking back.

* * *

"It's alright. Ssh. It's alright, Bella. Ssh. It's going to be fine. He'll come back."

As much as I wanted to believe Emily's words, I knew that it was just for comfort. I had seen his face, I had seen him run. I was alone. Or as alone as I could be with a bowling ball strapped to my chest. I could see my future so clearly; me a single mom, struggling to support a growing boy just as my mom had struggled to support me. It seemed bleak, just as anything did, without Paul in it.

I was still crying, sobbing really, into my pillow, face down on the bed, when I heard the door creak open. Emily gasped, and shifted beside me, her hand still on my shaking shoulder, but I figured it was just Jacob returning with his nose broken or something. It wasn't until Emily stood and moved away that I slowly turned to see what was going on. And there he was, almost as if he hadn't left, breathing heavily, his eyes wide and bright, fixed on me. Emily was closing the door behind her, giving me one last encouraging smile.

My eyes flashed back to Paul, awkwardly standing there, his eyes sad. "Paul," I whispered.

He took a step toward me. "Bella, I-"

"No." I interrupted him, "Let me explain, please." I drew myself up onto my knees on the bed, conscious of how the movement made my bump sway and sag. Had it already grown in this short time? Thinking about this, I put a hand on it to steady myself, and his eyes flickered to my stomach. "Listen, okay? I didn't want this. I never wanted this-at least not for a very long time. And I know that you don't want it either, but it's here...it's been forced upon us. And I just want you to know that-that if you want me to...I-I'll get a-an..." I hadn't thought about it. And I didn't want to think about giving up my baby, or killing it. Even though I didn't want it, I loved it. Silly as it sounds, I loved the little bump under my shirt. But I could do it. I could get an abortion if it was the only way that Paul would stay with me.

Paul's eyes clouded over as he stared back into mine, his face showing signs of the pain I was causing him. Moving slowly, as if he were afraid he would scare me, he closed the distance between us and gazed down at me. He stared into my eyes for the longest time, and then even slower, he shook his head. "No," he whispered. "No, I won't let you do that." He bent and took my hands in his, warming them, holding them. "I don't want that. And neither do you, I can see it in your eyes." He sighed heavily. "I admit that I don't want this baby, and that when I first found out I was ready to leave you because of it. But, the truth is, I didn't want to love _you_ when I first imprinted. God knows that I tried to fight it. And then I finally went to your house, and I watched you sleep, and I knew then that I would always love you, whether I wanted to or not."

I took a deep shaky breathe. My fingers had gone numb with tension, despite Paul's warmth. "But, the baby..."

He laughed under his breathe. "I told you that I don't want it."

And that's when I understood. He was leaving me. Pain flooded through me; emotional pain this time, and I let my head droop.

"Wait, Bella! I'm not done yet." His hand came around my chin, raising my face up so that I had to look at him. "I don't _want_ it, Bella. But, if I can love you this much now, after I didn't want you either. Then I figure that I'll love this baby too." He cocked his head to look at me, his eyes hopeful. "Will you give this stupid werewolf another chance, Bella? Please?"

As if I could say no, even if I wanted to. He was life now. So I threw my arms around his neck, pulling him down onto the bed on top of me. He landed awkwardly, carefully supporting his weight so that his chest barely brushed my bump, his forehead pressed to mine. "You never needed another chance, Paul."

He grinned down at me, and pressed his lips to mine, just once, very gently, then he pulled back, his fingers stroking my cheek. "Thank you."

I laughed softly. "Don't sound so surprised."

"I suppose I shouldn't. My charms always do work on you."

"Really?" I grinned, and inclined my head at the bump between us. "Is that how this happened?"

He smiled and leaned back to look at the bump, his fingers gently lifting my shirt back so he could see it. I watched as his face softened, closing my eyes as his warm hands smoothed over the surface of it, cradling it, taking the weight. "Hello," he whispered, smiling down at it. "I'm Paul, your daddy, and I'm going to take very good care of you, and love you soooo much." He glanced up and smiled at me.

I smiled back and stroked my fingers through his disheveled hair.

And then, almost too faint to feel - coccooned between Paul's hands, safe beneath my skin - the baby gave a single, swift kick, as if to say, "Hello."

* * *

yay! so how was it? confused? I hope it makes sense and doesn't have too many spelling errors (i typed most of it with a cat sitting on the keyboard...so...) but yeah, I hope to get back to uploading regularly, but i don't know how that will work out. but please don't give up on me. I will eventually finish my stories. :D so, please review, review, review. pointers, thoughts, flames. all are accepted (though flames are less recommended.)

until next time.

-Isabellthelooser


	9. Chapter 8: What If

ah, the much awaited eighth chapter! haha. sorry it's been so long since my last update. I'm trying to get back into the rhythm and get some of these stories going again and hopefully finish them. xD

enjoy, just some more Bella, Paul, and baby love. can't have too much of that, can we? hopefully some plot action in the next chapter or two? not even I know...which is sad. :)

-isabellthelooser

* * *

Chapter 8: What If

**Isabella Swan**

Paul's hands envelope my bulbous stomach. A shiver runs through me as his palms massage the tender skin stretched taut across the tiny body inside. His thumbs press into the outermost point, rubbing away the ache from the tiny kicking feet.

I let my shoulders relax, then the muscles in my neck, and let myself sink into the bed, closing my eyes. I hear Paul's soft laughter, his warm hands pulling my shirt back into place - giving my stomach a last rub and pat. I feel him lean over me, carefully positioned so as not to put any weight on the baby, his lips pressing to my forehead.

"Someone's tired," he whispers jokingly, smoothing back my hair.

I sigh, smiling. "It's hard work doing nothing. You should try it some time."

Again I hear his soft, shoulder-shaking laughter. "You don't give yourself enough credit. _I_ wouldn't want to lay around with a bowling ball strapped to my chest."

"Ugh. It's more like a horse!"

He leans his forehead against mine, smiling. "You know, I feel terrible calling our baby It."

"What else are we supposed to call it?"

"Well…I was thinking it'd be nice to know if it was a girl or a boy…"

I open my eyes. "And you want _me_ to tell you this?"

"Of course not," he says, grinning. "But can't you go to a doctor and they do that…thing…with the machine?"

"An ultrasound?" I ask, raising my eyebrows. "I suppose…but wouldn't it be a little bit of a shock to the doctor when we tell him that I've only been pregnant for a month and a half, or when he looks at the monitor and sees puppies in there, or some weird kind of…of MUTANT!"

Paul leans back, looking shocked. "You think our baby's a mutant?"

"Well…" I glance down at my elephant of a belly. "Maybe…?"

"Bella," Paul says, "I had a human mother and a werewolf father, and I'm not a mutant!"

"I know…but…" I grit my teeth. "I just can't help feeling like I'm doing something wrong."

"Like what?"

"Like…I don't know…maybe I should be taking some vitamins or something…I don't know."

Paul laughs, rubbing my belly again. "Bella, the baby's going to be _fine_. You're doing everything perfect."

"I'm not _doing_ **anything**."

He smiles. "Bella, all this baby needs right now is your love. Just like me." He places a kiss on my lips. "In about a month you can start to worry about the other stuff."

"Ugh, don't remind me."

I feel him take a deep breath, but he never breathes out. "What do you mean?" he asks.

"I…I don't know…" I hide my face in his chest when he leans down to my level.

"Bella?" he pulls me away, holding my face in his hands. "Don't you want this baby?"

"Of…of course I do…I just don't feel ready." I frown. "I don't feel like a mother. Emily…well, she's older, she's married. I'm…I just don't feel ready."

Paul smiles softly at me, stroking my cheek with one thumb. "Do you think I feel like a father? I'm far from ready to be a dad to a kid, trust me, I know. But you just have to have faith in yourself, okay?" He tries to push the corners of my lips up into a smile. "We can both screw up together, alright? Don't worry."

I feel a smile creep onto my face. I bury my face in his shirt again, hugging him. "Thank you. You always know how to cheer me up."

He laughs, pressing his face into my hair and pulling my closer to him, almost lifting me completely off the bed. "I love you."

"I love you too," I say, leaning back into the pillows. As soon as the words pass my lips, I feel the baby shift inside of me. My stomach muscles automatically tighten, waiting for the inevitable. From inside the tiny feet kick out, hitting my tender abdomen, making me wince and rub the wore spots.

Paul laughs again at my expression and moves to lay back down beside my belly, his hands taking over, massaging my lump expertly. He lifts my shirt and smiles down at the baby hidden away under the layers of skin. "Don't worry, I love you too," he says, smiling.

I laugh, and the movement shakes my belly, causing even more frenzied kicking. Paul glances up at me, smiles wider, and scoots closer to me.

Laughing and smiling, our lips meet again, and then again, even more frenzied than the baby's kicking. Our bodies press together, my lump stuck tight between our two bodies safe and loved. The baby gives one more kick and then settles back down, lulled back into sleep by Paul's warmth, just as I am.

* * *

sorry about the short length. :\ i'm just trying to get back in the rhythm, as I said, and there will hopefully be some action going on soon.

thank you to all who have review, favourited, and alerted (? lol). it really warms my heart to know that you guys like my work and appreciate it. xD keep it up. you guys power my output at this point, so please review some more. please, please, please.

much love and thanks,

-isabellthelooser


	10. Chapter 9: Break Away

I know, I know: FINALLY an update. sorry guys, I've gotten very slack about my stories, but I hope now that I have the story fresh in my mind that I can get updating faster.

just a short little diddy for Jake. mostly just a place holder, sorry, but I also feel like Jake got kicked out of the picture, and I wanted him to get a chance to get his story out. so, here you are.

more about babies and Bella and Paul soon. hopefully something will happen soon. xD

* * *

Chapter 9: Break Away

**Jacob Black**

"Tell me a story," she says.

I look away from the window, away from the rain, and gaze into her face. Shadows hang beneath her eyes and along her cheekbones, and her long hair sticks to her forehead with sweat. She smiles at me, and I look down, my eyes finding her huge belly amongst the piles of blankets. Her arms curl protectively around it; her fingers rub at a sore spot.

"A story?" I repeat, glancing away. My eyes search the room; their room. "What kind of story?"

"Tell me about you," she whispers.

My eyes flash to her face. "A story about me?" I ask, confused. She nods. "Well, what about me?"

Again, that playful smile flickers over her face. A hint of a blush lightens her cheeks, and for a moment she is the girl I walked with on the beach; the girl I fell in love with. It fades so quickly that I almost miss it: that flash of Bella. Before I know it, her face falls back into lines of exhaustion, and her eyelids droop.

My hands shake, the beast growling low in my chest. I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and force myself to relax.

"Jake?" I hear her whisper. "Jake, are you okay? Are you mad at me?"

I want to laugh. God, how could I ever me mad at _her?_ If I'm mad at all, it's at **him. "I'm fine," I finally whisper. I open my eyes to find her watching me worriedly.**

"No you're not," she says, gazing at me. She bites her lip, glancing at her belly. "I know this is hard for you..."

"Yeah, you're right!" I hear myself yell; it just bursts out. "It's really hard. Hard for me to understand, hard for me to deal with! How could you, Bella?"

"How could I what?" She frowns at me, confused.

I can't speak. I just shake my head, biting my lip, and standing; turning away so she won't see that I'm fighting tears. If only she knew how much this all hurts. If only she could hear my thoughts; feel what I am feeling, then she might begin to understand. I hear her shifting on the bed; she's trying to get up, or maybe just sit up.

"Jake," she whispers, and I can hear the pain in her voice. It makes me wince and then silently scold myself; if I am ever to let go, I need to stop feeling this strongly for her, I need to stop feeling her pain as well as my own. "Jake," she repeats. "Please, just talk to me."

I take a deep breath and speak, but I don't turn around; I can't face her. "You have no idea how much it hurts, Bella," I whisper. "You have no idea how much I've suffered, seeing you with him."

"Jake..."

"I know, I know. Poor Jacob, always wallowing away, always pining after someone he can never have, always hanging on the sidelines, pouting." I sigh, looking out the window again. I close my eyes. "But, _god_, Bella. Why him? I understood with the bloodsucker - he was all perfect and _special. But why Paul? Why __him_?"

"He imprinted on me, Jake," she whispers after a moment. "He _loves_ me."

"No, see, that's it, Bella. He _imprinted_ on **you**. He _loves_ **you**. Just because he imprinted on you doesn't me that you have to love him back, Bella. You could say no."

"It's not that simple, Jake..."

"No! It _is_ that simple, Bella!" I turn and gaze at her, my eyes pleading. "Just tell him you don't love him, Bella!"

"But I _do_ love him, Jake," she whispers.

My body wilts, my gaze drops to the floor. I'd known it all along, of course, but I could pretend that it wasn't true if I didn't hear it. Now there's no pretending. I close my eyes again, turning my head away.

"Jake..." she whispers again. "Please, look at me. Please..."

"Why, Bella?" I whisper, ignoring her pleas. "Why could you love him, but not me? I was there, the whole time - even before Paul. I loved you; I really loved you, Bella. Even when you told me not to; even when you loved the bloodsucker, I was always there for you." My eyes burn with tears and I fight to hold them back, pinching the bridge of my nose. "I just thought that after all this time; after all that we've been through, that you loved me back. But I guess you don't."

"No!" she exclaims. "No! Jake, no! Of course I love you, Jake!"

"Then, again, why him? Why not me? I was there; I saved you when the bloodsucker hurt you. I sat by your bedside. I did everything for you, Bella. I guess it just wasn't enough, was it." I sigh. "I was never going to be good enough for you, was I? I always thought I just wasn't the right kind of monster for you, but I realize now that I just wasn't the right werewolf for you."

"Jake, you know I love you. I'll always love you. I just..."

"You just love him more. I get it." I glance at her, my eyes swimming with moisture. "I just wanted to tell you my side, so you would understand that I might not be around for a while. I'm not going anywhere," I add at her anxious face. "I'm just not going to be stopping in every week to say hi. I just...need some space, okay? To figure things out; to clear my head."

"Okay," she mutters, her eyes sad. "I understand. Just don't go anywhere, okay?" She smiles tentatively. "Last time you left you really scared me. I didn't know where you were."

I force a smile for her. "I promise not to leave again; or rather, I promise the next time I run off in a whirlwind of teenage-werewolf angst that I will call you and let you know where I am. Okay?"

"Good." She reaches out her hand to me, and I take it in mine. The palm of her hand is sweaty, and her fingers are warm against mine. She smiles at me again; smiles her Bella smile, and I realize that my Bella never left, I just didn't want to see her in Paul's Bella. "And Jake?"

"Hmm?"

"About the baby..." her free hand strays to the lump beneath the blankets.

I smile and try to keep the pain out of my voice. "Put me down as godfather." She laughs, and I pull my hand free. The laugh was what I needed; it was I needed to be able to pull myself away from her, to finally break away. I turn away from her before I can beg her to choose me instead of him. "Goodbye, Bells," I whisper as I walk away from her.

"Bye, Jake," I hear her call after me.

I break into a run at the bottom of the stairs; bolting out the door and into the frigid rain that I no longer feel. I run, not knowing where I'm going, not caring. I run, away from her, away from my feelings. I run, not knowing anything except that I will keep my promise: I won't leave.

I run through the rain, letting it wash away my sorrows.

I run, and let the rain wash away the tears that finally spill over and slide down my cheeks.

* * *

hey! you like it? you want more? well, then here's an easy way to get more story out of me: REVIEW! please?

xD


	11. Chapter 10: It Doesn't Matter

yay! I know right, an update this soon is like blasphemy. well prepare for faster updates. i'm on a roll.

another short one, sorry guys. next chapter is going to be pretty long I believe, or at least exciting, so don't give up on me. I seem to have plot issues, what do you guys think? should I get more plotty? let me know.

just a quick shoutout to all those who have favourited, alerted, read, and reviewed so far (on both Quartet and this story). You guys make me want to keep writing, and make me feel like I am actually good at this. :)

-Quartet currently has more hits than the number of words in the story. OMG! 59,364 hits; 46,541 words. eep! thanks guys!

* * *

Chapter 10: It Doesn't Matter

**Isabella Swan**

"Watch your step."

I glance up from my feet for a second to smile at him reassuringly, and I manage to trip. I grip Paul's shoulder tighter, regaining my balance and laughing at myself. My ankles are huge and my feet are even more clumsy than they used to be. Something about having a bowling ball strapped to your chest throws off your balance. Plus, it's really hard to see where you're going when all you can see is belly.

I struggle down the rest of the path, moving at a snail's pace, suddenly very, deathly afraid of falling. I feel like an old woman, but really, when someone else is dependent on you for life, you've got to be careful.

"Careful," Paul warns as we near a rough patch of trail. He turns, walking backwards downhill - which isn't careful at all - and takes my hands, leading me down.

I laugh. "If I were any more careful I wouldn't be moving."

He chuckles and helps me down to a little flat part of land. The beach is only about a meter farther down, but the trail ends here: the rest is just a cliff. Obviously showing off his dexterity, Paul jumps sprightly onto the sand and turns around for me. He holds me carefully; his hands supporting both me and my enormous belly on the way to solid ground.

The moment my feet hit the sand I feel free; at least more relaxed than I've felt in a while. I grin and kick off my shoes, digging my toes into the warm sand and sighing.

Paul watches me, laughing softly. "Glad to be out of the house?"

"You have no idea!" I exclaim. It seems like forever since I was last out: the day the fever hit me. I lean my head back, letting the wind whip my hair around my face, and breathe in the clean, crisp ocean air. "It feels so _good_."

"I thought you'd like to get out for a while," he says, closing the distance between us. He places his hands on either side of my belly, holding it tenderly in his palms. "I thought the baby would enjoy some fresh air too."

I smile, glancing down at our baby, and let the love wash over me again; my love for Paul, but most of all, my love for the baby. And then, out of nowhere, I hear myself say, "He."

"What?"

"He," I repeat. "The baby is a he."

Paul frowns. "When-how-you_ know_?"

I bite my lip and shake my head. "No. I don't know...I just have a feeling." I rub my hand over my middle, feeling the little body held within. "He just _feels_ like a boy, you know, in my heart."

"Oh." Paul sighs, looking down at our baby again, seeming to appraise it with his eyes. His smile fades slightly.

"Paul?" I ask. "What is it? What's wrong?"

He glances up at me, smiling grimly. "Oh, it's nothing. I just-I just..."

"Just what?"

"I just...wanted a girl, I guess." He smiles at my incredulous expression and laughs. "I know, it doesn't really matter what we get. I'd love it whatever it is. But, I don't know, I've just always hoped for a girl."

"Oh..." I frown appologetically. "Well, you know I'm just guessing. I'm a little biased actually, because I was hoping for a boy." I smile guiltily at him.

"I see how it is," he teases. He moves his hands to my waist and tickles me playfully. "You going all sexist now, huh?"

"Look who's talking," I gasp between giggles. I rock back and forth, trying to avoid his tickling fingers, grinning and laughing.

"All right. Touche." He grins widely and pulls me closer to him - closer, but still a foot apart with my belly between us - and winds his arms around my waist. "Really, though. It doesn't matter to me. This little guy could come out as, well, a guy, and I would love him like my own."

"He is your own," I mutter, giggling. I wind my own arms around my belly, cradling it even closer to me. "OH!" I exclaim. "Wait. Hang on a moment!"

Paul tenses. "What? What is it?" he asks, panicked.

I grin, running my hand over my belly again. "It feels more like a girl now, how odd."

Paul sighs heavily, giving me an annoyed look. "Don't do that again, okay? You really scared me."

"Aren't you happy, though? You're gonna get what you hoped for: a girl."

He nods and pulls me in against his side. "I already have everything I hoped for. A girl would just be an added bonus."

"Well," I say. "You're just going to have to wait three more weeks to see, aren't you?"

He grins. "I'm in no hurry. Now come on." He leads me forward, along the edge of the glistening ocean. "Let's get our own back." And he takes my hand and pulls me along behind him at a slow jog; my belly bouncing slightly at the change in my gait. I worry that the baby will get too jostled and kick back or get hurt, but he doesn't even move. He stays there, safe inside me, lulled back to sleep by the rocking-motion and the soft sound of our laughter.

* * *

you know the drill: read it, love it, review. please.


	12. Chapter 11: That Moment In Infinity

That Moment In Infinity

**Paul**

One minute everything's fine. The next…something is terribly, horribly wrong.

Looking back, I still don't know what happened. I took her hand, I pulled her down the shoreline along with me. Her fingers were warm, unnaturally warm, I suppose - but then again, I'm still not used to the warmth that flows through our child to her - and she laughed along with me. It was a clear day - a rare sunny day - and nothing can go wrong when it's sunny, right?

Wrong.

My feet splashed through the tiny, crashing waves and a moment later I heard Bella's behind me. I could hear her huffing slightly from the exertion, but I could also hear her happiness in the way she laughed. I could feel the tremors of my footsteps rocking her, and hers rocking the baby held safely in her womb. I could _feel_ everything. It was like there was a connection behind us three; an invisible umbilical cord from me to Bella to our baby. It was like we were one solid being, moving together, laughing together, _living_ together.

So I noticed the exact moment when we **all** started dying.

One moment her hand was in mine: warm, soft, frail, and yet so strong. The next, there was a scream, a splash, and the cord was broken - **we** were broken.

My heart burst in that moment. I understood why parents sacrificed themselves for their children without a second's hesitation. I understood why love always conquered; because it was so _damn_ strong: you conquer, or you die.

I had a moment's clarity as I turned to view the wreckage behind me: Bella writhing, half-squatting, in the ocean, gripping her stomach like it was her lifeline. I understood that something was very wrong; I knew that they were both dying. I also knew that I had to save them.

I don't remember moving towards them, I don't remember kneeling next to Bella and placing my hands on her face, her shoulders, her belly - trying to comfort her. Suddenly, I was just on the ground, my knees sinking in the soft sand, my heart racing like a fast car: threatening to crash and burn.

"Bella," I whispered, panic evident in my tone. "Bella, what's wrong?"

I knew it before she said it. I'd always known that all this happiness could not go without payment. And that payment would be our child - our love - maybe even both of them.

She looked at me with a face twisted in agony, tears sliding down her cheeks. "He's dying," she croaked. "He's dying, Paul! Help! Help him! OH GOD!" Bella fell, flopping sideward, convulsing, and I caught her in my arms.

I picked her up in my arms - wet and shaking - and looked around for help. We were surrounded by empty beach. I immediately began to hate myself; why had I led this far down? It would take at least 10 minutes to get back to town, and I didn't know how long they had left. Still, my legs began to race beneath me, and I turned over to autopilot.

Time dragged, you know how it does. I moved so slowly, and Bella screamed so loudly and so frequently. I could feel their hearts ticking away like time-bombs in my arms; counting down the seconds until everything I loved was taken from me.

Something took me to our house and up the stairs. I laid Bella on the bed and grabbed the phone. I didn't know who to call, but I just knew that I had to do something. Options flew through my head: Hospital? Sam? Police? Who handles this kind of thing?

"Carlisle!" Bella screamed. "Ca-Carlisle…Call Carlisle!" She'd curled into a tight ball around her belly, speaking through her teeth.

I called the number without even thinking.

"Hello?" a cool voice asked on the other end of the line.

"Carlisle? Carlisle!" God, how much panic is one person allowed to bottle within themselves before they explode? "Something's wrong with Bella-with the baby! You've got to help! I know I'm a dog, and I know we hate each other…but…God! Can you hear that? She's screaming-she's SCREAMING, Carlisle! Please help her! Please!"

The doctor didn't pause. "Meet me at the border," he ordered, a strange authority taking over his voice. "I'll drive you to the hospital."

"But…the baby-"

"I'll see to her myself, don't worry. She'll be in good hands, just get her to me, okay? Are you alright to drive?"

I swallowed, my hands shaking. "Yes, okay." I hung up and glanced at Bella.

"Paul…" she whimpered, her hand reaching out to me. "Paul…something's wrong…something's _so_ wrong. He's dying, Paul. I can feel it…"

I took her hand, warming it - it had suddenly gone ice-cold. Was she already dying? "I know, Bella. Don't worry, Carlisle's going to take care of you now." I pulled her into my arms and ran us to the car. She screamed as I shifted her into the backseat, but I had to grit my teeth and move away. I had to get in the front, far too far away from her, and drive.

Carlisle was waiting for us at the border. The moment I stopped the car he was opening the backdoor and leaning over her, his hands on either side of her bulging stomach.

"Is she going to be okay?" I asked him.

He shook his head and withdrew, looking worried. "I don't know," he muttered. "I honestly don't know. Come on, we've got to get her to the hospital."

Without a second thought, I pulled Bella into my arms and carried her to the leech's car, sliding into the backseat with her. Carlisle was already reversing and sailing down the road by the time I got the door closed.

"Paul! Paul!" Bella screamed. I shushed her, but it wasn't enough to have me there. "It HURTS, Paul! It hurts!"

"I know," I whispered, repeating it over and over again, running my fingers through her hair. "I know…I'm sorry."

The hospital was too far away. The drive was excruciating. I had never wanted to phase so bad, but I knew that I couldn't help Bella in that state.

Carlisle fishtailed the car into the emergency parking area and rushed me out of the car and through the sliding glass doors. Once inside, he rattled off a long list of medical terms that I didn't even try to understand. I just stood there, Bella in my arms, trying to stay calm enough to comfort her.

"Carlisle!" I hissed through my teeth as the moments dragged by. People were turning to look at us.

"I know," he muttered over his shoulder at me, then continued to talk to the bedazzled nurse before him. "Okay," he said once she had run off. "We're going to take her in for some x-rays; we need to figure out what's going on in there. Don't worry," he added, "I don't think there's any serious threat to either of them at the moment. I think it might just be a cracked rib or possibly even just the placenta ripping."

"Aren't those **bad** things?" I asked, panicked. I didn't know what a placenta was, but I figured it shouldn't be ripping.

"Not life threatening. It may cause an early delivery, but we can most likely save the baby."

"_Most__** likely**_?"

"I'll do the best I can, Paul. But, honestly, I have no idea what I'm dealing with."

A nurse rushed up with a gurney, and suddenly Bella was being taken from me. Carlisle took her gently in his arms and laid her on the gurney, forcing her legs down from their fetal position. They rushed her off through a pair of doors before I could do anything or even say I loved her.

I stood there for a long time, like an idiot. I stared after her, not knowing if I would ever see her again. I could hear her screams all the way down the hall, and they pierced my heart. Eventually someone told me I should sit down in the waiting room; they offered me water, coffee, and sandwiches. I could only shake my head and blink back tears.

When I finally regained semi-consciousness of myself, I glanced down at myself and nearly screamed. I knew it was the end then, because Bella had not been injured on the outside.

And my hands were covered in her blood.


	13. Chapter 12: I Will Always Carry You

**I Will Always Carry You**

_-Isabella Swann-_

There is a fissure in my heart, torn open, ripped along that familiar fault-line like a zipper undone. Pain is bleeding onto the floor, seeping into the crisp white sheets,

leaking from my arteries into the crevices between my organs. I am drowning in heart-ache.

I am hollow inside.

.

They gave me morphine. They gave me hopeful smiles, a benefit-of-the-doubt, and salt-sugar-water through a tube. They pumped me full of AB positive and coagulants and prospects. They laid me on a bed, sheets tucked tight over my legs, and promised answers to the questions I didn't know how to ask. They sent me Paul and he gave me love and comfort.

But none of them could give me what I was so suddenly, horribly, indefinably lacking:

A tiny heartbeat, steady, purring along with mine.

A kick here and there, a gentle nudge from within to remind me that I was no longer simply me.

A lump under my shirt; a belly that did not quake with hunger. A hunger for a baby wrapped safely within.

.

.

He's dead.

They haven't told me, but I can feel it.

I am hollow inside.

.

Paul doesn't know what to say. I can tell, because I don't know what to say either. He can't even meet my gaze, and I know why. Teardrops seep down his cheeks, dribbling on his ruffled and stained shirt [stained with our baby's blood.] I can feel his own fissure breaking and popping as his hand shakes in mine; he covers it up with a cough and a sigh, but I know, because I can feel my own heart throbbing in unison.

Together, we break down within while our exterior remains intact. Like two stones cast together, a spark is transferred; like hydrogen we bond together [diatomic and hopeful], but when we breathe in, we combust-explode-ignite. And what is left in the aftermath is two people breaking, trembling, breathless.

He sits in a chair beside me, one hand in mine, the other tangled in my hair; comfort for him, or for me, I have no idea. His face is turned away, water droplets falling, eyes roaming the tiny room, searching for clarity.

I am numb and can no longer function. I do not think, I do not feel pain or joy or shock, I do not blink except to acknowledge the motion: that there is a part of me that is still alive. All that exists is the involuntary: kidneys processing toxins, lungs expanding [shrinking], throat forcing down saliva and stomach acid.

When someone finally comes, I no longer know how to move. I simply lay, face half-buried in the pillow, and inhale [exhale.] Paul is the one that turns, hands open in front of him, eyes and tears and heart pleading for any kind of news but the one we expect.

It is Carlisle.

"Paul, Bella…" he whispers. I make no move to acknowledge my name; names no longer matter, I no longer matter, nothing matters at all. "Bella," he repeats, "I have some good and bad news…" I feel both of their eyes on me, but I cannot response. I blink, and it is enough for Carlisle.

"The good news, is that Bella is perfectly fine," Carlisle says, his words directed more to Paul than to little statue me. "She suffered some blood loss from the trauma, but we've given her a couple of pints, and she's going to be right as rain in a few days. There may be some soreness from the, well…" he trails off, and his words fizzle out like the carbonation in a soda. "She'll be fine," he repeats, as if this is information enough.

There is a break in his words, and Paul is the one to shatter the silence.

"So…what about the baby? It _is_ okay, isn't it? He? She? The baby?" He clamps his mouth shut; things must be really bad, if Paul is babbling.

I hear Carlisle sigh. "That's the bad news…" My ears strain to take in his words even as my body shuts down against them. I do not want my pain verified. But I must hear. "…you lost the baby, Paul, Bella. I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but…but it had suffered too much trauma."

"Did I hurt it?" Paul speaks the words that resound through my agonized mind; his voice cracks. "Was it me? I made her run."

There is the sound of movement, though I cannot tell if Carlisle is shaking his head yes or no. "It wasn't anyone's fault, really. It's just the natural way of things, unfortunately. Miscarriages happen. It's the body's way of saying either it cannot care for the fetus or that the fetus is unhealthy."

Angry red lines flash over my vision. Unhealthy? My baby was beautiful, perfect. How dare he say I couldn't care for it? I did everything! …didn't I?

"…jesus…" Paul hisses.

"I know it's hard, but the others fetuses are fine."

A sound of static in my ears. Blood pulsing. Air won't go down my windpipe. What did he say?

Paul: "…the other fetuses? ….the other _babies? _What other babies?"

"Oh…" Carlisle sounds taken-aback. "I…I just assumed you knew. Yes, um, Bella is pregnant with triples-well, twins now. They're quite healthy."

Twins? Triples? Under the covers, my free hand finds my stomach and presses against it. Sure enough, a moment later, a tiny thump is uttered in greeting. I can't breathe.

Carlisle leaves us alone to talk, but I cannot speak, cannot even blink.

Paul's hands find my face, his voice low and happy. "Bella, did you hear that? Twins! Can you believe it?"

No, I can't.

"Bella! Can you hear me, love? It's going to be okay, alright. We'll still have a family."

But he's wrong. It will never be okay; I will never be alright again. He is not a mother, he cannot understand how it feels to carry something for so long, and then to have it torn from you-ripped from your arms. He cannot understand that I will mourn for the rest of our lives. He cannot understand why I will continue to cry for months to come.

He cannot understand that you cannot replace one child with another.


End file.
